Ever wonder why the child regard sharing is a negative thing. When I told my child to share his toys or his candies to the others, he would say:
“Why you always ask me to share my thing with the other, you don’t love me anymore?”
“I don’t have that much, if I share it with him, I won’t have any left”
“Why I have to share? I play the toy first, lets him play later after I don’t want to play.”
1. Share means Loss?
The traditional schooling tries to tell the children that the world operates by finite resources in scarcity. They are playing the zero-sum game. From the children point of view, share means loss. They adopted the scarcity model of pizza. I won’t have any left if I share it with you.
Share doesn’t mean lost. It’s more useful to think if I share with you, we will both have it. Or change the child perspective, sharing with others doesn't mean lost, it means to take turns to play it.
The conversation can be like this…
Mom: Mommy understands your feeling. You had played this toy already. The other children haven’t played this toy yet. Let’s the other child play it, and you wait for your turn again
Mom: This toy is played by whom moment before?
Mom: You played the toy just before. Let's another child to play it. You wait for a while, and then you take your turn later.
2. More necessarily mean better?
No surprise the first question from a child when someone gives him something, and then he would say I can get only one? Or can I get another one?
More necessary mean better? I observe the children get the behavior that when they desperately want a specific toy, their whole world revolves around getting this one toy, or otherwise they would feel like they lost their universe. Once their parents buy that toy for them, their joy fades out. They want something else. If they can’t appreciate what they have, more is not a good thing and won’t make them happier. It’s more useful to let the child appreciates what he owns at present and what he may own in the future. They can have nice things and not fear someone would take away from them.
You can talk with your child something like this:
“You play this toy for a long time already, why not exchange the toy with John? You see, his toy can speak.”
“You haven’t played this one before! His toy seems very interesting. Exchange your toy with John. You and John will both have the fun.”
3. Learn the gratitude
Why did some children find it difficult to show gratitude towards the other people? They take it for granted for whatever nice things happen to them. Mostly, you hear more about the complaints from them than to give thanks for dinner, thanks for the ride, and so on.
It’s good to have the dinner conversation about sharing three things they were grateful on that day (don’t cheat and settle for two!).
My girl might tell me something like:
The positive notes help the kids feeding their brains with habitual positive oriented thinking instead of getting stuck in a pattern of negativity. The children learn whatever happened to them are gifted. Sharing the positive stories make them feel connected, and spread the love.
All in all, sharing doesn’t mean to back off when someone tries to take your thing by force. The child should learn to judge the situation. He should learn to protect himself and don’t imitate the bad behavior.
A mom, feminine optimistic style, love to travel. Addict to coffee