Parents are so critical to developing the blueprint for shaping the character of the child especially during his/her age between 0-6 years old. How did my mom praise me? How did my mom blame me? Did my parent love me? Did they accept me? I prefer dad over mom? Did I get a better relationship with mom or with dad? I and mom alike or I am alike with dad? The well-meaning parents are trying to do all the right things to raise their children for the desired outcome. When you want the child can embrace the attributes of confidence, intelligent, and kindness, why he turns out to be coward and mediocre?
1. Fear of You
Does your child anti-parent? Or over-obedience? Does your child do thing upon your command? You as a parent is performing an authority role, aren't you? You know your child will not challenge you. Ever wonder the child lies to you because you are over-reacting to his mistake? The child gets used to following the authority order. The narrative is that if I follow my mom order, to do what she tells me to do, cope with her expectation, stand by her side, then she will love me, or at least get out of trouble. You drive your kid to the tendency of believing authority. For them, comply is more important than asking questions. What if I fail? What would my parent think?
it is my turn or I wait for someone pick me?
use my own judgment or I do what other people say?
show my work or because someone say so?
2. Fear Of Unknown
The schooling system tries to train the kids for the sake of remembering all the answers, not finding the reasons behind. All they need to do is memorizing the answers, do the tests, take the exams, get the marks, moved on to the upper grade in certainty. The school tries to tell you to learn and then test. The world is operated in the reverse way, test and then learn. When the kids get used to certainty, they are the security seeker. They will lose a lot of fun to explore the world and explore themselves.
How to turn zero to one?
How can you build something from nothing?
It is the same last time vs. this may not work.
3. Fear Of Comparing
The schooling system makes the children believe that the world is operated by ranking, zero-sum game and compete over the others. As a parent, have you ever try to compare your kids with other children or compare the kids to their siblings? Some parents would show bias favoring one child over another. I know a girl who hates her younger sister severely because she thinks her mom loves her sister a lot more. She regards her self-value is whether she can do better than her sister. Comparing is hazardous to the personal development for the tendency to judge the value merely by compare and contrast. And the child tends to...
4. Fear Of Making Mistakes
You shouldn’t be so quick to jump in to protect the child as if you are trying to solve all their problems. Ever wonder you make your child coward because you overprotect him. Or conversely, you blame the child in public when they do something wrong. You bring the message to the kid something like being careful, safety first, don’t trust the stranger, don’t take the risk. The kid tends to focus on avoid pain rather than think about the possible gains. Quit before try. In fact, success and failure are on the same path.
5. Fear Of Neglect
The child needs to feel competent. He needs to feel he is important. You may be stressful under financial hardship or even worse, divorce with a child. Have you ever brought along the negative emotion to tell the child that he is the burden? It is as if all the bad luck, hardship, and disappointment is the child false. All his life he lives in the sense of self-denial and low self-esteem. Pleasing the parent is all he wants to do at the expense of sacrificing his self-interest. He feels lonely and rarely asks for help even in the difficult situation he can handle.
6. Fear Of Negative Words
7. Fear Of No Money
When I was a child, I understood my parents were hinged on one element to affect their happiness. That element was money. Is money a good thing? Or is it a bad thing? What the child sees is “give” and unaware “take” has the equal importance. Negative self-talk comes in to tell we are very poor, my worthiness is the ability to earn money for the family. Some children might take-over the role of parent to take care the siblings for the sake of finding their self-importance. All his/her life is living to work for the others to win the acceptance. He/She will neglect his/her self-needs and accept the unacceptable.
A mom, feminine optimistic style, love to travel. Addict to coffee