Motherhood is the toughest job in the world, isn't it? You’re so much stressful to feel something like riding a plane to go through turbulence from time to time. How to survive the stress in the tough time?
1. Shift the Perspective
As a mother, you feel overwhelmed as the life is filled to the brim with diapers, feeding, housekeeping, endless hours to tidy up the toys, handle the kid negative behavior, homeschooling and leaving little time or energy for anything else. It’s difficult to squeeze a day or hours for spending time alone doing your own preferences such as reading book in café or enjoy a relaxing spa.
When you feel life gets blurry, adjust your focus by shifting the perspective.
What is the different between people who work hard all day and people who do as little as they can possibly escape away with? What is the difference between people who sign up for night school classes and who don’t imagine going back to school? People work hard because they believe there is reward awaiting them that can justify their efforts and dedication. Long term benefit of work outweighing the short term benefit of laziness, isn’t it? Our child is our best career. We are the mirror to our children. Days after days of interactions with the kid at home having the biggest impact on who our child will become. Looking them in the eye, being present, setting standards, raising bar, learning, seeing, hearing, connecting, challenging, questioning, being questions..
2. Shift the Intention
We are determined to live for the sake of our children. The earth is so dangerous and we bring our children to this life. I love the lyrics of this song:
"When I was a little girl, I ask my mother, what can I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? .......whatever will be, will be....the future is not ours to see...what will be, will be......"
Well, yes, the child’s future is not parent can see by imprinting a set of stereotype standards to reproduce someone else’s success. Children seek success to win approval from parents, please the parents did not instill a love of reading, having to succeed to attain the approval of someone else will not make them enjoy the process.
We can’t regard people as products off an assembly line. Each person has unique qualities, character and talents. If you’re having tough time get your children living up to the specific standard set by others, let them find their own path base on their strengths. You may amaze at what they can do.
3. Shift the Direction
Parents get angry for the gap between the things you want your kids to do and what they actually do. Your kids don’t change their negative behavior no matter what you do. You are burnout when the kid rejects to pick the toys, leave the toys lying around and spread throughout the room; or the loud protest from the toddlers pushing you to buy them something, they will cry, plead or scream to hope that you may give in. Most parents will use the strategy of rewards and punishments for educating the children comply with the rule. No strategy can fit to everyone. When one strategy doesn’t work, shift to other direction or strategy instead.
If the kid is always reluctant to follow the rule, try to shift the strategy to allow him making the initiative. For instances, you can allow the kid in charge for the vocation planning. Let the kid decides the schedule, destination, airline, accommodation, do the research, plan the itinerary and estimate budget. Educating them to have a sense of responsibility to the family and make the vocation become more meaningful.
4. Shift the Allocation
How much you are likely to spend on raising a child? This may mean a lot of expenses on housing, education, toys, baby care products and so on. In order to release the tension from the financial burden, shift the resources allocation in relevant and efficient way. I have read a story like that:
When Isabel and Michael were about to become parents, Isabel resigned from her job as a nurse so that she could stay at home to take care the baby. Later, Isabel began to rethink her decision. Her income is higher than her husband, medical benefits were better. What sense did it make for her to leave her job when she had the better job? Why have to argue with the financial advantages. Michael may not comfortable for not earning an income and being dependent on his wife salary, but the decision make sense for the family, Isabel’s salary is the family’s money, and their daughter is the best career anyone can ask for.
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