Mom’s Secret: How Fear Can Inspire Confidence? Did Your Child Fear Authority Figures?

It’s not uncommon to see a child who likes to climb up the highest fence. What will he do next when he is not able to make it? He will climb again!  As kids continue to grow, in addition to what they learn on their own, they got some conditioning from parents, teachers, peers, media, and so on.  According to researches, 90% of who you are, was picked up before you’re ten years old.  The children have no idea how many of their thoughts, feelings, and actions based on some form of fear and obligation. We, as a parent, take a critical role to shape the blueprint and ego-self of our children.  Ever wonder the fear of our children derived from our fear.  How can we help to foster their courage to overcome fear with confidence?

​Fear of authority figures

Two kinds of parents the children fear most.  They are the fierce parents, or the opposite extreme, indifferent parents. Children need love like the flower needs water.  The parents matter most to them to be their whole world. They thirst for your full attention and affection to ensure you love them more than anyone else. How did my mom praise me? How did my mom blame me?  Did my parent love me? Did they accept me?  The narrative is that if I do what my mom tells me to do, cope with her expectation, stand by her side, then she will love me.  They thirst for parent’s approval. 
 
Children fear their parents don’t love them.  When we can’t get our kids to do what we want them to do. We push harder, throw out tantrums, we shout.  Children have tantrums. Adults should solve problems.  Ever wonder your anger is demonstrating your fear after all? The fear that fuels a narrative of being unheard. The fear that you’re not good enough. The fear that this might be the last chance you get to make everything exactly perfect.  Your frustration becomes complaints; grudges become insulting words; helplessness becomes sarcastic. 

What can we do about this?

1. Lighten Up Your Expectation

Expectation turns to become pressure.  Pressure turns to attract resistant force.  We’re angry because our children don’t meet our expectations or they do the opposite of our expectations.  It’s more useful to lighten up our expectations of our children for who they suppose to be, act and think like, to connect the love.  When the children feel unconditional love from their parents, they will be ecstatic, not to affect by the critical words from others.  It’s because when they encounter criticism from others, they would think it merely reflects a lack of knowledge about them rather than an actual flaw in them.

2. Courage To Be Disliked. 

The child learns to be his/her own fan.  Parental love is unconditional. Yet the children have to know that along the journey of their life, never expect there will be someone who has the responsibilities and needs that will love them like their parent. Thirsting to grasp the love from others (they may be partners, bosses, spouses, or friends) in their life to assert their self-worth is doom to a miserable life.  Learn to be his/her own fan.  Everyone is a combination of strengths and limitations.  We help them to learn how to appreciate their strengths and accept their weakness.  Always has the courage of self-reinforcement, a belief in themselves that is strong and unwavering.  Rejection spells failure only if you do not believe in yourself.  For those who believe in themselves, it is only a challenge.  

What would you describe the mother ship?
What is your mom parenting style that you will not follow?

---

Linky: ​Motivate Me Monday