What If Your Kid is Disobedience? Control vs. Freedom

One day, I told my dad that I felt upset because my hubby won’t listen to my words, all the times. He was unreasonable, not willing to do the thing what I wanted him to do.  The response from my dad added fuel to the fire.  He said, “You and your mom are alike.  Your hubby is not your pet.  Why he should do all the things you wanted him to do?"  My dad seemed like trying to tell me I was a control freak!  Ever heard people said that interfering and controlling was natural to women behavior? We might have a particular view of how things should happen, and we do whatever we need to do to make sure events unfold in what we have determined is the right way.  When applying to parenting, we try to exert complete control over all activities to our kids with a don’t do list such as..

Don’t eat candies
Don’t talk with strangers
Don’t get the dirt
Don’t fight with your sibling
Don’t talk to me like that
Don’t touch the toys before finishing your homework

Over time, our kids act for authority approval.  They are busy to do what other people tell them to do for the sake of certainty to get the rewards, or at least to get out from the trouble. They tend to believe that who has the power or who holds the authority meant for the law of righteousness. When they were settled to be ok in yesterday, probably it is ok today, and perhaps it should be ok tomorrow.  The kid might walk through his journey with the disconnection between his true self and the stereotype conditioning self which base on approval and obligation. 

1. Let the kid be his own fan

The kids need self-reinforcement, a belief in themselves that is strong and unwavering.  Quoted from Albert Einstein to tell that “the reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  All progress depends on the unreasonable man.”  For those who believe, it is only a challenge.  The kids are happiest when they allow their individual personality to come out, not when they conform to the images that have nothing to do with who they are. They can build up their self-esteem to believe that they are not what is in the glass.  They are the glass.  They are the one holding the glass. When the kids get into that, they will be ecstatic, live their life with joy and happiness.

2. We are their role model mentor

We only live 20 to 30 years older than our kids which don’t mean that we know everything better than them and try to control every step in their life. On the other hands, we are the role model to our kid as a mirror.  A role model is a mentor, not a dictator.  I think It would be great if I can be the role model to

show the confidence on the face
grow the kindness in the heart
melt the integrity into the blood
craft the determination in life.

3. Disobedience is ok

What makes the parents think they are successful? Is it when the kid performed a set of expectations you told him to do?  When the kid is resistant and rebellion against your order, you might feel upset and furious.  Probably they are not intended to take pleasure to make your day miserable, but merely not agree with you in some points of your thinking.  It is not a bad thing that the kids don’t feel risky to challenge the authority, and voice out to ask questions.