Women Wellness Spring |
Women Wellness Spring |
Emotion is the energy of the pendulum between negative and positive channels. It is up to you to choose positive energy or negative energy. The bad news is the negative channel always wins. Why? Our emotions get the irrational intensity to feel bad even for a small loss or threatened loss (of property, love, belonging, opportunity, status, and so on). Loss is twice more powerful to affect our emotions than gain. Hence, we tend to amplify the losses with deep emotions. What is your choice? Fall into the drama triangle and spiral downwards, or transform pain into love and believe it will return in another form. 1. Victim perspective (poor me)Jenny quit her career to raise the kid. She feels angry, desperate, unappreciated because she had made so much sacrifice to this family but nobody thanks her for it. When the kid is not listening to her, she feels as though she has been rejected and disrespected. She throws a tantrum to make the kid feels sorry for not cooperating. Or say, 'I worked so hard and I am alone now, you guys are so ungrateful.' The wrong answer: hell is other people The better answer: Taking full responsibility for everything in my life Self-talk for inner peace:
2. Rescuer perspective (wanting to fix)Amy believes she gets a map to guide her son. She jumped out fast to help him solve problems. When her grown child asks for financial help to pay for his living expenses and graduate school tuition, she helps pay for everything at all. The wrong answer: You need me The better answer: You need grow Self-talk for inner peace:
3. Persecutor perspective (blaming and finding false)A persecutor has a tendency to blame and criticize others when things do not work out the way they anticipated. They attempt to pinpoint problems and directing others as the primary cause of those problems. A persecutor uses these common phrases to justify their act:
The wrong answer: I have all the answers The better answer: I could be all wrong. Self-talk for inner peace: What if I’m wrong? Yes, I will. Indeed. Human cognition of things is incomplete and flawed, so we are inevitably easy to make mistakes. We attempt to do all the right things. The fact is we can’t realize what are the right things only after many wrong things had done. Respect there’s a chance the other people to work on their filers, their habits and their instincts. A rock climber doesn’t see a steep slope the same way an elderly person does. In fact, there are many things where right or wrong are relative, perhaps merely based on perspective.
It is only one piece of the puzzle.
Do you want to see the whole picture? Do you want to transform your pain into love by understanding your emotions? Explore the secrets to mastering your destiny through the three laws of the Universe, four strategies, and five-day challenges.
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"Every time you find humor in a difficult situation, you win" (unknown)
When my boss reminds me he's the master by yelling, let's see Snoopy's wisdom :) Do you feel depressed and short of energy to do anything? If you get the below symptoms that last for long, you might need to handle it seriously.
What is your first-aid kit to release your depression?
Hopefully, you can get over the feeling of depression. If not, find an expert to help.
Is there a quick remedy to alleviate pain resulting from physical or emotional distress? I remember when I was fired, jobless, with nothing to do at home, and extremely bored. It was not funny to feel stuck up, drifting nowhere. There would undoubtedly be fear that I may not find employment for a year or longer. How would I be able to pay my bills without income? A mixture of devastating feelings never short of anxiety, stress, fear, depression, and self-doubt. 1. Keep MovingStagnant made me feel bad. I realized that I had to keep moving by doing something, anything. “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” (~Albert Einstein) I applied to work as a mystery shopper even if the pay was a penny. And then, I took low-salary part-time jobs working three days per week in a small shop. Good things started happening when the momentum plug-in was activated. After a year, I finally successfully got employed with a decent salary in a corporate. 2. ExerciseI love to jog along the serene riverside near my home. It was a chance to spend some time every day, without any worries and concerns, doing something positive. I can hardly put into words how much I loved exercise for boosting my energy. The natural wonders, the fresh breeze, and body movement are great sources to sparkle my mind with clarity and generate many new ideas. 3. Handle FearWhen I was unemployed and staying at home often led to feelings of anxiety. What did I fear? I fear there would be no company to offer me a job anymore I fear age discrimination I fear my bank account might dry out I was afraid that being unemployed for too long would make it difficult to re-enter the job market. My fear caused me to make a poor decision. I speculated on the stock market for quick money. Obviously, it was a bad idea. And then, I realized that I needed a feeling of peacefulness (to counter my fear). I reconnected with my religion as a way to overcome my fear. There is a power greater than me to support every step I take. Jesus said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” (Matthew 14:22-33) Everything that happened was just right because I was where I should be. 4. Positive EnergyI knew I should avoid negativity, but negative thoughts often prevailed. By using several different methods, I found these three methods to be effective for me: a) Power of Ho’oponopono (Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len) All I did was repeat to myself: I’m sorry Please forgive me I love you Thank you. It was so powerful to cleanse your negative energy by replacing it with forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, and love. b) Self-Affirmation I found Louise Hay's teachings on self-affirmation impressive and helpful. Search "Louise Hay" on YouTube for plenty of instructional videos. 5. Ask Three QuestionsWhat did I do right?
What else could be better than that? What had I learned? I have written another article to explain more about these three questions. Is there any quick remedy to alleviate pain resulting from physical or emotional distress?10/11/2023 At a talk, a person inquired about a quick remedy to alleviate pain resulting from physical or emotional distress. Is it feasible to have a first-aid kit for such situations? I am skeptical. Nonetheless, I have encountered similar challenging circumstances on many occasions and devised some methods that could serve as a starting point.
What to do if you are unemployed with jobless anxiety? What to do if you suffer from depression? What to do to release physical pain? (Coming Soon) Dealing with Tragic Romanic Person (Enneagram 4)They may appear weak on the surface to get someone to protect them. They like crying, appearing vulnerable, and playing victim to look pathetic when you disagree with them. You don’t need to jump out as a rescuer. You may not know that tenacity is their core trait to withstand difficulties for chasing advancement to the next level.
(Back to the story of part 1. What if Vivian responds to Amy in the following way?) Vivian: You know what? That sushi restaurant is different. The owner Mr. Sato opened this restaurant to make sushi tailor made the flower shape each day to attract the attention of his lover. He uses the flavor of rose smell as his lover loves rose accent. The environment is romantic and I sure you will like it. You check and think about it and tell me tomorrow. Lesson to Learn for Four : Value the PresentJealousy for comparing with others is frustrating. Ever wonder it is ridiculous to find someone to embarrass yourself. Chasing is the core trait for Four. Very often, you will never know the value of the moment until it becomes a memory. The mountain has its height The sea has its depth The wind has its freedom The cloud has its tenderness How can you compare the mountain with the sea? Or compare the wind with the cloud? Not everything can make a comparison. Stop and smell the roses. Live only at this moment where everything takes place. Stay tuned for the upcoming post about the type five persona.
(Continue from part 1) If you are a tragic romantic (Enneagram of 4), what is the emotional drive for acting the way you do? Worldview and drive The drive is jealousy. They have a lot of questions in their minds and want the answers. They are self-aware, sensitive, moody, and attached to emotional needs before attending to anything else. They want to maintain certain moods to create and pursue beauty surrounding themselves. Also, they used to express their individuality and withdraw to protect their self-image with a distinctive persona. They embrace intensive feelings and intuitions without rational explanation. But this makes them easier to connect with others with emotional attachment. Communication Tension What do they want to focus on others that provoke conflicts? As the drive is jealousy, they get used to chasing something they regard as beautifully romantic, something better, with tenacity. Unlike most people, there are many “why” in their minds who deliberately search for the answer. Why can't you keep your promise? Why do you suppose to work in this way and turn out to be another way? Why do you disagree with me? Why can’t you make the result like that? Four looks picky, ridiculous, and self-centered. Thus, they tend to drag down their mood to the level of sadness, like to make stories and ponder why people are shallow to understand their feelings. Stay tuned for the next post about how to deal with Four.
And if you are Four, what is the lesson for a breakthrough to reverse the repeated setback tendency? (Continue the communication series. Starting from here) Amy is a tragic romantic woman (type four of Enneagram). The Story: Amy and Vivian are close friends. Vivian: Where do you want to go for dinner? Amy: Let’s go to Jen restaurant. Vivian: Oh no! It is too far away. Driving there take 2 hours and almost always no parking is available. Amy: I find no other place that can match this place for eating steak. The origin is Italy of Jen family. The cows eat high-energy grass, the love of the Jen family, and all those natural wonders. I won’t go to another place to eat steak. Vivian: Then don’t eat steak. I know a place in downtown with great Sushi. Amy: I don’t want to eat anything tonight except steak. It is not only the steak. This restaurant is where I met John. Today is my birthday, and John is not with me. Vivian: Who is John? Your new boyfriend? Amy: We are together for two weeks. Vivian: Why is he not with you on your birthday? Amy: His wife is sick and needs him in hospital. Vivian: Are you kidding? Do you have an affair with a married man? Amy: We love each other and are happy together. Nothing is more important than that. Vivian: You have to stop this. Does his wife in the hospital relate to you? Amy: You don’t understand. I feel like this could work.. you know.. we’re a lot happier with each other than with anybody else. And then she burst into tears. Amy is hysterical to feel up and down out of nothing. She falls in love with a married guy. While most people would think it’s wrong to have an affair with a married man, she would probably ponder it doesn’t matter as long as they love each other. She is moody and affectionate. One day, she saw a white paper falling to the ground, and she burst into tears as this reminded her that her white cat had passed away. How does she act around someone she does not like? What is the core drive of her emotion? How does her emotion affect the way she treats others? What is her expectation of others? What is her expectation of herself? What is her worldview or core belief? What is the lesson for a breakthrough to reverse the repeated setback tendency? Stay tuned for the next post about the tragic romantic persona.
Ever wonder if there is a discrepancy between what we see of people on the outside and what they are experiencing on the inside? Relation with others is about communication. Communication can generate good or bad moods. By using an enneagram as a tool, observing the finding from my experience with the real stories, that help me to come up with the insights that work for me to build great relationships with others. How do you act around someone you do not like? What is the core drive of your emotion? How does your emotion affect the way you treat others? What is your expectation of others? What is your expectation of yourself? What is your worldview or core beliefs? What is the lesson for a breakthrough to reverse the repeated tendency? If you are a perfectionist (part 1 and part 2) If you are a giver (part 1 and part 2) If you are an achiever (part 1 and part 2) Let's explore more character types in the next post.
1. CommunicationThe kids spend so much time on web browsing, online games, and social media that it inhibits their ability to carry on a face-to-face conversation. Even worse, some kids get used to hiding behind the screen to intimidate others without any sense of responsibility. Everyone requires working with people. The school hasn’t taught the students how to clearly and effectively communicate with each other. Communication is a two-way interaction for telling and listening. Words carry weight. You can use the words carelessly to hurt, slander, and wound others, or use the words wisely to heal, encourage and love others. Change the perspective and then change the words. 2. MoneyIt’s not funny a child will struggle with money after he becomes an adult. However, the school rarely teaches the children financial education as if money is a scary evil thing. I like to ask the kid to make a graph to examine his financial habit. It is helpful to educate them about the money concept: earn, save, spend, share, and growth money. 3. TechnologyTechnology is not merely about online games, social media, web browsing, or Zoom meeting. Consuming less time to do more work is what technology supposes to do for us. How unlikely can the kid win over a computer for counting and memorizing? Technology is a foe if you allow it to hijack how you perceive your choices and replace them with new ones that don’t align with your needs. It is easy to lose track of the difference between what’s happening in the world becomes a manipulated menu of news feed stories. Ever wonder if we wake up in the morning and turn our phones to see a list of notifications, it frames the experience of waking up around a menu of all the things I’ve missed since yesterday. News feeds are designed on purpose to auto-refill with reasons to keep you scrolling and purposely eliminate any reason for you to pause, reconsider or leave. A large portion of traffic on these websites is driven by auto-playing the next thing for increasing “time spent” is the currency they compete for. They design their messaging system to interrupt recipients immediately. Never allow technology to ruin your attention spans and cause millions of unnecessary interruptions. 4. Food and HealthThe kids love snacks, chips, soft drinks, burgers, bacon, cakes, and biscuits. We are what we eat. No one in school teaches the kids about nutrition, trans fat, blood sugar, gluten, preservatives, coloring, artificial flavoring, or emulsifiers of any kind. It is not uncommon the kids are overweight. Food, recipes, and health benefits 5. CreativityThe world of a child is amazed at the discovery of new food, new games, new people, and a new environment. Every student learns to memorize the lines in the textbook instead of creating new ways to solve the problem. The schooling system teaches children to do what other people say so. They learn technical mechanics rather than creativity. It would be great if the student is a sculptor who questions endlessly for new ways to make his piece of art look perfect. Curiosity for the exciting adventure 6. Solve Interesting ProblemsSchooling tries to feed the kids with questions and programmed answers for higher scores, faster calculations, and competitive ranking. There is no time to understand because to understand means to lose. The students can answer the examination questions but can't apply the knowledge to the real world. When you ask them to create something, they can do nothing. It is more helpful to train the kids how to solve interesting problems in their daily life. 7. Self-loveThe kids thirst for attention and affection from parents, teachers, and peers to ensure their self-worth. How did my mom praise me? How did the teacher blame me? Did my classmates accept me? The children thirst for approval to assert their self-worth. Everyone is a combination of strengths and limitations. We, as parents, help them on the journey to take the responsibilities in which they excel and ask for help when they are struggling. We help them to build the courage of self-reinforcement with a belief in themselves that is strong and unwavering. No one needs to do groundbreaking things to live a meaningful life. Be your own fan. 8. ResilientHave you ever seen a child who tries to climb a high fence? If he can't make it, he will do it again! However, traditional schooling tries to tell the world is operating in the way of certainty by avoiding failure. In school, the kid knows what’s in the syllabus, and there is going to be a test; He knows that if he passes the test, he will surely go to the next upper grade. Who’s teaching the child what to do if a sure thing doesn’t happen? The kid learns in school to regard failure as stupid, losing, and wasting time. What if teaching the kid to be resilient with a mindset: It is difficult and a bit complex, you may encounter numerous failures, but you can handle it, and it is more likely to work. Be resilient to overcome obstacles. 9. Emotional Intelligence QuotientIt is not uncommon the children to get the behavior that when they desperately want a specific toy, their whole world revolves around getting this one toy, or they will feel like they lose their universe because they can't get it. They vent their emotion through yelling and crying until they get what they want. The kids have to learn that no one has the liability to treat them nicely. There are good guys and bad guys in any movie. So do the people who surround us are friends and bad guys. Those hateful guys can be our bosses or our co-workers. The school never teaches the kids how to handle their emotions when they encounter those guys who are ambitious, throwing tandem, or bullying. Three sentences to transform emotion 10. Ask QuestionsThe schooling system trains the kids to study the answers, not to find the reason behind them to presume all the answers are out there. The job is memorizing the answers, doing tests, taking the exams, getting the marks, moved on to the upper grade in certainty. Compliance is more important than asking questions. It is more helpful to teach the children to ask the right questions for exploration, fulfill curiosity, make discoveries, and always sake for change and progress. |
CatherineDigital marketer, writer, editor, feminine optimistic style, pursuit of happiness, addict to coffee. CategoriesArchives
May 2024
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