Why do the well-meaning parents drive their kid to become mediocre?

Parents are so critical to developing the blueprint for shaping the character of the child especially during his/her age between 0-6 years old. How did my mom praise me? How did my mom blame me? Did my parent love me? Did they accept me? I prefer dad over mom? Did I get a better relationship with mom or with dad? I and mom alike or I am alike with dad?  The well-meaning parents are trying to do all the right things to raise their children for the desired outcome. When you want the child can embrace the attributes of confidence, intelligent, and kindness, why he turns out to be coward and mediocre?  

1. Fear of You

Does your child anti-parent? Or over-obedience?  Does your child do thing upon your command?  You as a parent is performing an authority role, aren't you? You know your child will not challenge you. Ever wonder the child lies to you because you are over-reacting to his mistake?  The child gets used to following the authority order. The narrative is that if I follow my mom order, to do what she tells me to do, cope with her expectation, stand by her side, then she will love me, or at least get out of trouble. You drive your kid to the tendency of believing authority. For them, comply is more important than asking questions. What if I fail? What would my parent think? 

Antidote:

• Remember to smile.  Smile is capable of communicating a pleasant message that will often be met with a smile in return. The child is most likely listen to you and like you when he feels good about himself.
• Allow the child to do anything for the sake of doing. No matter he is drawing something at his desk or playing any weird games. Let the kid find his true happiness at the heart of what he loves.  Even just for 15 minutes.
• You are not the sculptor of your child, your child does. Imagine a sculptor looks at his piece of stone and endlessly questions of new ways to shape it.  If he thinks of something need to change, he just does it. As a work of art, always in progress. You are no need to get upset or come down hard on him when you see something you do not like. What do you want your kid tells himself?

it is my turn or I wait for someone pick me?
use my own judgment or I do what other people say?
show my work or because someone say so?

2. Fear Of Unknown

The schooling system tries to train the kids for the sake of remembering all the answers, not finding the reasons behind. All they need to do is memorizing the answers, do the tests, take the exams, get the marks, moved on to the upper grade in certainty. The school tries to tell you to learn and then test. The world is operated in the reverse way, test and then learn.  When the kids get used to certainty, they are the security seeker. They will lose a lot of fun to explore the world and explore themselves.

Antidote

• Take the child to go farther by traveling around. He will be happier, get a big heart, and think smarter.  If you’ve no time to travel, let the books carry him away to go on the trips.
  
• Michelle Obama said, "The security of your parent’s love really gives you the foundation to think you can fly. And then you do." Well, yes, there is no place like home with the security of the parent's love.  Let the child fly, the adventure is out there. No matter all the roads he goes are the dead ends, at least there will be one road is opened, that is the road to return home.
  
• When your child asks you questions, engage him immediately to avoid bogging down his curiosity, answer his question or find the answers with the child together.

How to turn zero to one?
How can you build something from nothing?
It is the same last time vs. this may not work.

3. Fear Of Comparing

The schooling system makes the children believe that the world is operated by ranking, zero-sum game and compete over the others.  As a parent, have you ever try to compare your kids with other children or compare the kids to their siblings?  Some parents would show bias favoring one child over another.  I know a girl who hates her younger sister severely because she thinks her mom loves her sister a lot more. She regards her self-value is whether she can do better than her sister.  Comparing is hazardous to the personal development for the tendency to judge the value merely by compare and contrast. And the child tends to...

• hide his/her potential or talent from his/her parents.
  
• Jealous, putting down, or belittling of other people
• Feel loneliness
• All his life is meant to compete over other in a race

Antidote:

• Self-fulfillment is based on personal advancement rather than beating down others
  
• Everyone may be the same to chase after the same ends. Tell the child that never doubt it a moment that he/she is unique.
  

The mountain has its height
The sea has its depth
The wind has its freedom
The cloud has its tenderness
How can you compare the mountain with the sea? Or compare the wind with the cloud?

4. Fear Of Making Mistakes

You shouldn’t be so quick to jump in to protect the child as if you are trying to solve all their problems. Ever wonder you make your child coward because you overprotect him.  Or conversely, you blame the child in public when they do something wrong.  You bring the message to the kid something like being careful, safety first, don’t trust the stranger, don’t take the risk. The kid tends to focus on avoid pain rather than think about the possible gains.  Quit before try. In fact, success and failure are on the same path.

Antidote:

• Appreciate the child learns to do failure.  Do you remember the child learn to walk by himself through stumbling down and up until success?
  
• Let the kid handle a complex task such as organizing a family vacation trip. He would learn something seems like easy or simple but ineffective.  Something appears difficult, but he can handle it properly.
• Encourage the kid learns to solve the problem on his own strength because no one will help him all the way along his life.
  

5. Fear Of Neglect

The child needs to feel competent. He needs to feel he is important.  You may be stressful under financial hardship or even worse, divorce with a child.  Have you ever brought along the negative emotion to tell the child that he is the burden?  It is as if all the bad luck, hardship, and disappointment is the child false.  All his life he lives in the sense of self-denial and low self-esteem. Pleasing the parent is all he wants to do at the expense of sacrificing his self-interest. He feels lonely and rarely asks for help even in the difficult situation he can handle.

Antidote:

• Catch the child doing something right
• The child may cause you overwhelm with anxieties, irritations, sleepless nights, no me-time, money shortage, and fatigue.Use your heart to feel the happiness as your child is the most precious gift that you can ask for.
• Hugging your child every day. It is because “hugging is a silent way of saying…you are matter.” (heartcentrebalancing).
  

6. Fear Of Negative Words

The infant during his 0-6 years old needs your attention, love, and care.  The child would absorb all the information into their mind without filtering.  Every conversation your kids heard from you get soaked into their mind like water into their sponge which will result in shaping their blueprints of beliefs in their whole life. Words carry weights.

7. Fear Of No Money

When I was a child, I understood my parents were hinged on one element to affect their happiness.  That element was money.  Is money a good thing? Or is it a bad thing?  What the child sees is “give” and unaware “take” has the equal importance.  Negative self-talk comes in to tell we are very poor, my worthiness is the ability to earn money for the family.  Some children might take-over the role of parent to take care the siblings for the sake of finding their self-importance.  All his/her life is living to work for the others to win the acceptance. He/She will neglect his/her self-needs and accept the unacceptable.

Antidote:

• Before spending the money: Earn. Create your financial security.
• Educate the children the right concept of money. Curiosity, relationship, love, friendship, and empathy are more important than money.
• Money is not evil. The children should have the financial education to understand money and how to take good care of the money.