Women Wellness Spring Blog
Women Wellness Spring Blog
Saving is a positive financial habit without denial. I won’t be panic if I keep a certain amount of money as a safety net to secure the cash flow in case of emergency or unexpected job loss. My relation with money is more on saving. It sounds risky to me if spending (or investing) the earned money to buy stock (in the financial market) or buy a house with a mortgage. Instead, I feel good to see my bank account grow via saving, month after month. When I first read the following “parable of the three servants” from Bible, I was confused. The story liked that:
A man gave five bags of silver to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last before he went on a long trip. After a long time, the man returned from his trip and called the servants to give an account of how they had used his money. Two of the three servants had invested the money and earned more. The man praised these two servants had handled this small amount well, and he would give them more responsibilities.
And the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the money. The master was furious and said, “take the money from this servant and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.”
I was confused. Why did that servant sound like doing something very wrong?
I get it. Money is not just money. Money is a metaphor to mean the asserts that are given by God to include our skills, body, talents, and all our being. Simply speaking, there are two types of assets: money and intelligence (or wisdom). If you own a lot of money without intelligence, you will eventually lose all your money. If you have wisdom, the money will take care of itself to follow. It is easy to get money, hard to get intelligence (or wisdom).
Why are we so hard to get the intelligence or wisdom?
It’s because we may inevitably do plenty of wrong things before we finally learn to do the right thing. When we do the wrong things, we will feel the pain. Ever wonder we fear the pain more than enjoy the gain. When the pain and gain fight with each other, the intention to avoid pain almost always wins.
One day, I bought a stock, and the price rose by 10%. I sold out the shares to secure the profit. And then the stock price continued to push up 50%. My hubby blamed me for my stupidity, and a big fight came after. It seemed like a half glass water story that happened in real life. Why did I so angry at that moment? There was no money loss and just earned less. Conversely, if I sold out the shares, lost 30% profit, and then the stock price further dropped 50%. I won’t feel so bad as I’d avoided an extensive money loss.
Imagine if you already get everything in your life. You’re rich, healthy, smart, and have a perfect relationship with your husband, parents, and children. Will you feel the pain for the loss of a small amount of money or jealous of others? No, you won’t.
The point is how to improve ourselves and make contributions to others. If you apply this concept to the financial aspect, your strength is like a light bulb. You see how that light bulb can benefit lots of people, know how to make use of these benefits in a winsome way, and understand how to build a fortune that can deliver those benefits in a way that makes a profit.
To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away (parables of the three servants, Matthew 25:14–30 )
I almost always don’t stay true to myself. One day, my coworker invited me to her birthday party. I said yes, but I didn’t want to join. On her birthday, I tried to figure out plenty of reasons to explain my absence.
We learned as early as our childhood to grow into a good person. The definition of being a good guy seems like is to fulfill the expectation of other people. As time goes by, we program ourselves to fit-in the role we suppose to be. Under this condition, we bear a great deal of pressure and suppress our emotions to avoid adversaries. Some people might shift their anger to those they deem weaker such as children, women, and subordinate staff.
I know I won’t be happy if everyone dislikes me;
but what’s the point if everyone likes me, but I dislike myself?
How do you respond under pressure at some point in your life? If you get the following signs means you are not authentic to yourself to a certain extent.
Ever wonder the opposite desires are fighting with each other in our mind. We’re so tired of working between balancing and off-balancing.
I like it. I dislike it.
The other people like it. The other people don’t like it.
I’m okay. I’m not okay.
I’m right. I may be wrong.
I’ll win. I’ll lose.
So, what can we do about this? Practice mindfulness. How to connect with your inner-self so that you can clarify your thoughts, feelings, and intentions? Asking yourself the following questions:
The journey helps you to get your most pure inner child to be seen. Whatever the answers are, ensure you appreciate who you are and tell yourself that you have already worked very hard and done very well. Focus on what matters most to you. Love yourself with the courage of being disliked by others.
Easier said than done, of course. It takes effort and worthwhile.
Parents were the first people that we knew and interacted with when we were born in this world. We inevitably used to cope with their expectations and were carried away by their emotions. Ever wonder our relationship with our parents would subconsciously affect our marital relationship and our relationship with our children.
While people said that be true to yourselves, it sounds no doubt for argument. The dilemma that applies to the relationship with my mom is a bit tricky. If I insist on doing the right thing for me, but my mom opposes me to do. She’ll upset (play victim). I won’t be happy to overwhelm with self-blame to hurt my mom. If I appease her to do what she wants me to do out of obligation, I won’t be happy, either.
How to deal with this dilemma? The key is communication. A relationship is about communication.
1. Beware of Body Language
During a heated argument with my mom, I felt angry was not about what she said. It was about how she said it, and vice versa. Our body language (tone, gesture, sound level) delivers our hidden message. So did the body language from others trigger our emotions. When I raise my voice to shout for carrying out my point, my mom felt like I was trying to challenge her motherhood authority with humiliation. When she was on the flame of anger, she would never listen but defense to prove I was the wrong one.
Aware of our body language that can hurt others. I have to remind myself not to respond immediately from anger. Pause a few seconds, manage my emotions before reacting. And then talk to my mom in a way to assert her positive intention. Try to settle her emotional feeling before giving feedback.
2. Identify the Hot Button
My mom is a perfectionist. I can’t understand why she regard the vase is not putting back to the exact original position after cleaning by other person is a big deal. She keeps focusing on the imperfect aspect made me feel annoying. Dealing with her drive me crazy to feel frustrating, annoying, and difficult. She is my mom, I love her. Enneagram helps me to understand her drive of behavior and change my perspective to deal with her. Our relationship improves.
I realize from enneagram that anger is her drive. She wants to be right, to be consistent with her ideals of standards beyond criticism. She wants to correct others striving for improvement. She is picky and not a difficult person.
What is the difference between picky and difficult?
Picky embrace consistent preferences and standards. Difficult people change their preferences frequently, and often in response to who is presenting to them or the mood they’re in.
My mom is picky with consistent preferences and standards. She doesn’t mean she has the intention to make me feel miserable by her motherhood authority. When she insists on her point what she disagrees with, I understand there will be no way to change her mind. I learn to avoid starting the argument with her and move to change the subject instead. By the way, there are many things where right or wrong are relative, perhaps merely based on perspective. I don’t feel so much angry with her pickiness anymore.
3. Rebuild the Connection
My mom used to throw tantrums when I was not able to meet her expectation. Her words would cut me deeply to make me believe an actual flaw in myself. What she said to me was her choice, and my reaction was my choice. While someone says you’re a retarded, it doesn’t make you change to become a retarded. Never allow our emotions to carry away by our anger. Anger is meant you feel like you’ve no choice, helpless, and in the dead end. Set up a healthy boundary. It’s her story, not my story.
How to transform anger into forgiveness, respect, and courage? Try to find a quiet place and imagine my mom is right in front of me. Speak to her and tell her:
Mom, thank you for bringing me into this world
I understand my life is mine
I've got to love myself
I've got to live a meaningful life in my way
I've got to responsible for my needs
I'm no longer regard myself as a victim.
Your relationship with dad gives back to you.
I'll be here with you.
I can only use my way to support you.
I am not able to support you by fulfilling your expectations of me.
I've got my value system.
Whether you agree or disagree with my thinking,
I'm still me
I will listen to your opinion.
And I might not follow.
I would learn how to get along with you with a different opinion.
Mom, we are two different individuals.
I am responsible for my life.
I'll be happy from now on.
I promise I will plant my happiness to repay you.
Mom, I love you. I always love you, and I will love you forever.
Thank you, Mom.
Are you appealing to the idea that be true to who you are with an authentic character? Ever heard about the below two stories:
1. A Man And His Perfect Suit
A man got to the best tailor in town to make a suit for himself. He found out the structure of that suit was weird:
The shoulders were too narrow;
The sleeves were too short;
The length of the trousers was too short.
The man asked the tailor what happened to his suit. The tailor explained the structure of that suit was perfect. What the man needed to do was shrinking his shoulders and bend his ankles.
The man did shrink his shoulders and bent the ankle to go to work. He caught the attention of two beautiful girls who passed by.
Hey, you see, that suit is perfect. The color, texture, and cutting is so good.
Well, yes, the suit is perfect. I feel pity for that man. Is he a cripple?
2. The Dressing Style Of Einstein
Albert Einstein almost always liked to wear shabby clothes. One day, his friend told him to pay more attention to his appearance as he was a famous scientist.
Einstein replied that those people who knew him would understand this dressing style was so normal to him. For those people who didn’t know him, why should he need to care?
All in all, the bad news is you’re not going to fit-in the person you learn to be.
The good news is happy fabulous person never does.
I agree with the idea that just be me and everything to be okay. The dilemma that applies to the relationship with my mom is a bit tricky. If I insist on doing the right thing for me, but my mom opposes me to do. She’ll upset (play victim). I won’t be happy to derive from the feeling of self-blame to hurt my mom. If I appease her to do what she wants me to do out of obligation, I’ll not feel happy, either. How to deal with this dilemma? Please stay tuned to my next post.
Digital marketer, writer, editor, feminine optimistic style, pursuit of happiness, addict to coffee.