Communication Series: How to Release Communication Tension with the Giver? (part 1)

​What does a giver want to focus on others that provoke conflicts? How to release the communication tension?
 
By using an enneagram as a tool, observing the finding from my experience with the real stories, that help me to come up with the insights that work for me to build great relationships with others.
 
The Giver (Enneagram / #2. The Giver)

The Character
Susan loves to do a lot of sweet things.   She is good at making other people feel warm and cozy such as writing a touching note on the cupcake wrapper for her friends.
 
Jenny remembers the birthday of her parents, friends, relatives, and even her neighbor.  She would bake cookies and buy wonderful birthday presents to celebrate.
 
Amy cooks more than enough food for the family as she will take the food for the homeless guys and the underprivileged children.
 
They want to take care of the well-being of everybody around them, give their love to express their feelings, help others, and desire for others to respond to them in return.
 
World view and drive
They want to be needed
The drive is love. 
They want others to like them, always advocating for love.  No doubt they have big hearts decent in the human spirit.  From their perspective, there is no reason to reject their love.  They tell themselves: I love you so much that you should regard me as the important person in your world.  You will cut them deeply if you don’t respond to their love.  
Expressing great love sounds pretty.  Everyone would like someone to care for them with warmth and love. With no surprise, they can easily make friends with others and attract people to love and like them.
 
Communication Tension
 
As they want to be needed, they tend to focus on the insufficiency of others.
They almost always regard themselves as rescuers to take over the responsibilities of others without asking permission, for the feeling of being superior to be needed.
 
The Story
 
One day, Susan goes shopping and buys plenty of dresses and pants for the family. When Mandy (her daughter) returns home, she shows the dress that she buys for her.

Mandy:  OMG! The dress looks awful. You don’t know fashion. I like to buy the clothing by myself.
Susan: I saw you wearing the same dress every day, never go shopping to buy new clothing. What I buy for you is the work of a well-known designer and is costly. You are being so rude!  OK, throw it away.

She burst into tears.

That dress isn't bad. Mandy doesn't mean to hurt her mom. She just doesn't like the outfit. 

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​No doubt the givers are kind and generous to care for others. At the same time, they are unaware they are playing the role of God, something like a mother loves her children at the expense of controlling them in every aspect of their life. 
They tend to believe that no one will know how to love you better than they do.

​How to communicate with the giver with a healthy boundary?
If you are a giver, what is your particular lesson to learn? 
Stay tuned to the upcoming article for part 2 about the giver.

This month series is about Communication.  Start the journey in here.