What Pushes Your Daughter Hot Button?

What pushes your daughter hot button? It's when you try to compare her with someone else.  Did you tell yourself that your child was born to be a winner? Jenny is my friend who makes use of all opportunities to tell everyone that her kid is the smartest person in the universe:

Jenny: Amy (her kid) is god damn smart.  She started to talk early, learned faster than his classmates, and achieved the highest grade among the peers…

Me: Well, yes, Amy is smart. I have no doubt about this.

Jenny: That’s all you say?  Your baby is also a genius. She can catch up with the others if you help her scheduling more learning classes before it’s too late...

Did this sound familiar to you?  Other parents always tell you what you should do and what you shouldn’t do as if they define your to-do-list, or you require someone to judge what is the meaning for your happiness.  When we compare ourselves to those who have more, we feel bad. When we compare ourselves to those who have less, we feel grateful.  Comparing your kid with the other would trigger his negative emotion of envy and jealousy in his life, so do the parents compare among themselves. Ever wonder if your neighbor has a luxury car or get broke has anything to do with you? And actually, we never know anyone else’s situation.  When you see your friend’s family who always seems to be traveling around the world, they could be up to their eyeballs in credit card debt and about to get fired by their boss.
 
You can't outsource the homeschooling to the traditional schooling system.  Our schooling system tries to tell our kids that we live in a world of a zero-sum game, all people are in a race, the point is to win.  It tells you have to win over the ones next to you and beat down everyone else to move up.  If you are not up, then you will be out.  The kid would get used to evaluating people and objects by compare and contrast, not by their substances.  The true is no one can win everyone all the time. Just like a running horse, some of the time it can run very fast, some other time it would run slower.  Criticize the child from comparing with others is not a way for improvement to the child development.  She would go through her life, at a deep core, that he is not good enough.

Imagine you are walking a snail. The snail is moving very slow and frustrates to catch up in baby steps.  You blame it and yelling at it.  The snail stares at you in regret as if to tell you it has already done its best.  You continue to pull it and kick it.  The snail is hurt, sweating and choking.  And it is moving forward, slowly.  The joyful time spends together become so hard on each other.

Home is the safe place where the child can go as she is and not be questioned.  If your kid is not doing well in school, lighten up! Some people do very well in school and you think they will be superstars…they aren’t.  You see some people who are written off but achieve tremendous things...I would like to see my kid who is able to solve the interesting problems rather than obtain the grade A in school.  The child can thrive in the endeavor for the self-improvement and personal advancement.  They are on the journey to take the responsibilities in which they excel and ask for help when they are struggling.