Women Wellness Spring Blog
Women Wellness Spring Blog
One day, my coworker yelled at me in an abrasive manner because I had misplaced some files, causing trouble for her and making me feel I was an idiot. It is not uncommon that I would shake with fury if someone criticized me or blamed me.
I almost always feel the madness with intense emotion ensue when my boss tries to discount me. When my boss fired me after my 5-years tenure, I felt shocked, angry, and depressed.
I couldn’t overcome emotional suffering from failure as the negative feelings of anger, shame, and resentment affected my mental and emotional well-being.
Other people may not feel the same anger triggers as me. When I scrutinize my iceberg, I realize there are two hardcore beliefs deeply implanted in my upbringing:
During my childhood, my mom always threw a tantrum when I failed to do what she wanted me to do and used harsh words to slander me. Even worse, she was a perfectionist who always emphasized my weakness as if I was an idiot. I always yearned for my mom to approve of me, but she only reminded me I was not good enough.
I desperately desired my mom to approve of me.
I believed if I pleased my mom to follow what my mom wanted me to do, I could get the benefits and obtain what I wanted.
As an adult, I continued to hold onto the same belief. I used to think that if I pleased my boss or other people in positions of authority, I would get what I wanted. If I could gain their approval, I would receive certain benefits.
And then, I realized I made two big mistakes.
The inner wounded child will crawl out whenever someone criticizes me and makes me feel like I am not good enough. The negative emotions stay long in my mind and are never gone. Maybe God has a plan for me by arranging so many perfectionists around me to learn the lesson. Not until I have removed these two destructive beliefs do I claim back my power to happiness.
What can I do to solve my problem?
How can I eliminate destructive beliefs and develop self-confidence instead?
I am the only person to determine my worth
Opinions from others do nothing for my worthiness.
I am the only one to be responsible and create my self-worth.
Someone who approves of me or praises me will not increase my value.
Same as someone who tries to discount me can never reduce my worthiness.
I am not the opinions of other people.
I cultivate my value with self-confidence.
I feel good about myself because I know my self-worth and want nothing from anyone.
“I am happy because I want nothing from anyone. I do not care for money. Decorations, titles or distinctions mean nothing to me. I do not crave praise. The only thing that gives me pleasure, apart from my work, my violin and my sailboat, is the appreciation of my fellow workers.” ~ Albert Einstein
Contribute to other people's life
It is nice to get personal benefits. But that is not the only meaning of my existence in this world. The self-fulfillment is to create value for others, not merely for self-benefits.
I once met a healthy man who was 100 years old. When asked about the secret to his happiness, he revealed that he woke up every morning with the thought that who were the persons God would send for him to help?
When my ground is to believe in my self-worth with confidence, I will no longer care what other people think about me because I want nothing from anyone.
I feel happy and proud of myself, inside out.
It is only one piece of the puzzle.
Do you want to see the whole picture?
Do you want to transform your pain into love by understanding your emotions? Explore the secrets to mastering your destiny through the three laws of the Universe, four strategies, and five-day challenges.
Digital marketer, writer, editor, feminine optimistic style, pursuit of happiness, addict to coffee.