Women Blossom Blog
Women Blossom Blog
How to use the communication tool of "yes-no-yes" for getting the kid to listen to you?
Very often, I tell myself, I’m your mom, I am always right. At least, I think so. Aggression and fixation on disagreements intensify the conflict between each other in relationships. We rely on those closest to us for support, so did our child. We can accept critical words from those who are not close to us because we can believe they reflect a lack of knowledge about us rather than an actual flaw in us. Critical words from parents to their child cut deeply. The effective way of communication is changing the "no-no-no" model to the "yes-no-yes" model. What does the yes-no-yes model mean?
Yes => acknowledge the positive intention of the child
No=> disagreed with her/his behavior without judging and make clear your bottom-line.
Yes => make win-win suggestion or promise.
Imagine you are in the middle of preparing dinner. Your little daughter comes into the kitchen. She imitates what you’re doing for cooking, but she screws up the ingredients, and the food is dropping on the ground to cause the messy.
The “no-no-no” communication like this:
No => "I told you thousand times don’t play with the food. You cause the food wastage."
No => "I have to buy the food and prepare everything all over again"
No => "Get out from the kitchen NOW!"
The “yes-no-yes” communication like this:
Yes is for acknowledge the positive intention of the child
=> "I know you want to help mom preparing dinner"
No is for telling your bottom-line. Speak nicely, don’t judge, make the kid feels comfortable so that she would feel easier to accept your point.
=> "Many poor people don’t get food, don’t waste food"
Yes is for making suggestion or promise with win-win approach
=> "if you want to help mom, you directly tell me. I will teach you how to do it properly and we can make the dinner together. Got it?"
3/27/2020 10:32:15 pm
Thanks, Katie. Glad you like this post! We well aware words carry weight. Day after day, year after year, it’s the interactions we have at home with our children that have the biggest impact on who they become.
3/27/2020 10:38:09 pm
Thanks Joy. Glad you like this post. Let's learn from each other to smooth the path on the motherhood journey.
6/18/2020 03:01:39 pm
I learned this feedback strategy in my graduate program for counseling! It’s very effective and totally applicable to positive parenting.
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