Women Blossom Blog
Women Blossom Blog
While men tend to struggle for climbing to the top of the world, women want to become the center of the world. We are good at collaboration, intrigue with emotions, and enjoy nurturing by nature. A simple example of nurturing is that when my dog suddenly doesn’t eat her food, I would worry whether I haven’t taken good care of her health or not make her food right. My husband would tease me that my level of happiness correlates with the appetite of the dog. Women tend to have stronger emotions than men. A small thing can trigger our highly sensitive emotions, amplifying the negative feeling, allow ourselves to drown into the swamp of sadness. Sometimes, our negative energy drags us to what psychologists say about drama triangle or emotional blackmail for building a toxic relationship with our love ones. Hopefully, you are not playing any of the three roles in this triangle as follows:
Victim perspective (poor me)
A woman quit her career to raise the kid. She feels angry, desperate, unappreciated because she had made so much sacrifice to this family but nobody thanks her for it. When the kid is not listening to her, she feels as though she has been rejected and disrespected. She throws a tantrum to make the kid feels sorry for not cooperating. Or say, 'I worked so hard and I am alone now, you guys are so ungrateful.'
Rescuer perspective (wanting to fix)
A woman believes she gets a map to guide her son. She jumped out fast to help him solve problems. When her grown child asks for financial help to pay for his living expenses and graduate school tuition, she helps pay for anything at all.
Persecutor perspective (blaming and finding false)
A woman is mad at her husband. Her husband is well aware he should settle the fight within 20 minutes without allowing his wife to bring the tears to bed. Otherwise, he will get into more trouble. Well, yes, Susan tells herself that I’m not happy. And if you don’t care, I will double the unhappiness to you!
The emotional blackmail is trying to manipulate the other person might because of fear and sense of insecurity. When something occurs to stir up your emotions (like anger, shame, pity, guilt, resentment), avoid reacting immediately. Very often, the immediate verbal expression of anger includes yelling, arguing, cursing, sarcasm. Such a reaction is typically associated with hostile thought and maladaptive behavior. It almost always leads to bad outcomes. Learning to deal with your own emotions first, and deal with the issue comes next. You can try to use 3 sentences to release your emotions.
Sentence #1. I'm not my emotion
I'm not my emotion. This emotion doesn’t reflect my true self. I don’t need to hold on it, agree with it. It’s only a state of feeling that happens in this specific time of the environment. Let it move away, far away.
Sentence #2. Thank you for my emotion
Thank you for my emotion because this emotion is a gift sent to me from God. It comes to remind me of re-examining myself to overcome my preconception and expectations. Very often, we fall in love with our expectations. If what we anticipate doesn’t come true, we become frustrated. Stay present. Look at what’s in front of you.
Sentence #3. I make use of my emotion
Get along with my emotions. Build a good relationship with my emotions as if they are my buddies. Make use of the emotions to take ownership of our life and accept ourselves fully. You are not able to love other people if you don’t love yourself first. Build up the energy for self-compassionate and inner peace.
Dealing with our emotions is complicated. Besides the inner talk to ourselves with these three sentences, building healthy boundaries and practice gratitude did work to overcome the emotional blackmail.
Anyway, remind yourself never to drain your energy to the things you dislike. Or you might double up your negative energy to attract bad thing comes even closer.
Stay tuned for stories about healthy boundaries and forgiveness.
4/15/2020 09:40:49 am
I was very excited by what I read and find it instructive. I find it important and to be applied in one's life. Thank you.
"My level of happiness correlates with the appetite of the dog." I love that! Mine level of happiness definitely correlates with how happy my dogs are. Thanks for explaining these thinking patterns in an easy way to understand. I can relate to the 2nd one. I am a fixer.
4/15/2020 01:23:42 pm
These are great tips for dealing with emotional situations Thanks for sharing.
4/15/2020 02:25:18 pm
Written perfectly !!!
4/16/2020 03:37:18 pm
So well written. And intuitive. Love your example of your inner peace being dependent on whether or not your dog is eating well! I think we all tend to fall into that unintentional trap from time to time. Thanks for your wise words.
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