Mom’s Secret: How To Completely Change A Jealous Child?

When I was a child, I always felt jealous of everything:

• I was jealous of my sibling got more attention than me;
• The teacher treated my classmate better than me;
• My classmate looked more beautiful than me;
• My friends got more toys than me.

 
During my childhood, my mom always liked to compare me with others as if she was trying to tell me I was not good enough. I felt angry and affected my self-esteem.  I was pondering why did the parent like to compare her kid with others? 
 
What did I want in my childhood life? What can I do my best to help my children to strengthen their self-esteem?  When we compare ourselves to those who have more, we feel bad. When we compare ourselves to those who have less, we feel grateful. Comparing ourselves with the other would trigger our negative emotions of envy and jealousy upon others, so do the kids compare among themselves.  What causes jealousy in a child? It might because the parent always likes to compare him or her with someone else.

My Child Has To Be Remarkable?

A parent uses to think that her kid should be special, has to be extraordinary, needs to be remarkable.  They would think their kid should be better than yours. They want to compare how well their kid's scores in school, in the performance in whatever contests, and all sorts of context in all different areas.

Jenny (my friend) makes use of all opportunities to tell everyone that her kid is born to be a winner:

Jenny: 
Amy (her kid) is so smart.  She started to talk early, learned faster than her classmates, and achieved the highest grade among the peers…

Me:
Well, yes, Amy is smart. I have no doubt about this.

Jenny:
You know what?  Your girl is not bad. You should help her to catch up with the others, such as scheduling more learning classes before it’s too late...

Very often, you might meet other parents who tried to tell you what you should do and what you shouldn’t do as if they define your to-do-list. My kids don’t need to do groundbreaking things to live a meaningful life. They don’t need to be the person to land on the moon. Actually, they don’t need to be the person to do anything. By the end of the day, we are all bunch of ants trying to chase the same thing. Don’t take yourself so seriously to hunch on one element of expecting our kids to do something great and remarkable. Lighten up! Help the kids to enjoy most moments of the day, something like running and playing, eating the ice-cream slowly....

It's Not A Race

If your neighbor has a luxury car or get broke has anything to do with you? And actually, we never know anyone else’s situation.  When you see your friend’s family who always seems to be traveling around the world, they could be up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.
 
Our schooling system tries to tell our kids that we live in a world of a zero-sum game: all people are in a race, the point is to win.  You have to win over the ones next to you and beat down everyone else to move up. If you are not up, then you will be out. The kid would get used to evaluating people and objects by compare and contrast, not by their substances. The truth is no one can win everyone all the time. Just like a running horse, some of the time it can run very fast, some other time it would run slower.
 
If your kid is not doing well in school, lighten up! Some people do very well in school and you think they will be superstars…they aren’t.  You see some people who are written off but achieve tremendous things. The child can thrive in the endeavor for the self-improvement and personal advancement.  We, as parents, help them on the journey to take the responsibilities in which they excel and ask for help when they are struggling.

Deal With Strengths and Weakness

When the kid grows older, the parent tends to focus on the kid’s weakness rather than their strengths. Why not appreciate the beauty of the kid the same as the time when he or she was born?  Even though I’m an adult now, whenever my mom says the negative comments on me in a way that makes it sound like she disappoints in me still make me burn inside. It cuts my feeling deeply.  The parents play a critical role in cultivating a deep sense of self-esteem for their children.  The child can accept negative comments from those who are not close to him or her because he or she can believe they reflect a lack of knowledge about him or her.
 
How about the weakness? Everyone has weak areas that make us human. They are gifts from God to keep us humble.  Help the children to appreciate their strengths and accept the weakness as well. 
 
All in all, there is no comparison between the sun and the moon.  They shine when it’s their time.

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