Women Wellness Spring |
Women Wellness Spring |
If I ask you and you are willing to tell me. That means trust. If I don't ask you and you don't tell me anything. That means distance. If I ask you and you decide not to tell me anything. That means we have a gap between us. If I don't ask you and you still want to tell. That means reliance. Ever wonder if the relationship is about communication? You are always right. At least, you think so. When you believe your husband is wrong, you push harder, throw out tantrums, you shout. He responds with even more resistance, triggering his defensive mode and shutting you out. Our certainty of rightness is what makes heated arguments heated. As a result, he may conclude it is not worth talking to you since he never knows when a topic will lead to a controversy. You win all the battles and lose the metaphorical war. Is there anything to gain from letting yourself become adversarial with your loved one due to the miscommunication? 1. Mind Your EmotionsToddlers have tantrums. Adults should solve problems. Ever wonder if your negative emotion is demonstrating your fear? The fear of being unheard. The fear that you’re not good enough. The fear that this might be the last chance to make everything perfect. Your frustration becomes complaints; grudges become insulting words; helplessness becomes sarcastic. 2. Mind Your WordsAlways remember that critical words cut people deeply. If you must say something negative, always be constructive. Make your criticism reflect your love and respect, not disappointment. When we use common words such as stupid, they carry a range of meanings from ill-considered to ignorant. The differences in expression of reframing words can be like this: You are a jerk. or to say: I can’t quite understand your behavior. You don’t care about me or to say: You don’t care about the same thing as me. You are an idiot or to say: You haven’t met my expectations. You are relying on me or to say: You want me to pay more attention to you. You have no way to make it or to say: You haven’t got an effective way yet. You are hopeless. or to say: You worked very hard and have just not reached success yet. You do it wrong. or to say: I realize you have room for improvement. Do you want to quit? or to say: You feel tired after holding on for so long. Your outfit is ugly. or to say: This outfit is not my style. 3. Mind Your Body LanguagesBody language is more impactful than words. People receive 30% of what you say and 70% of how you say it. Your facial expression, gesture, and voice tone won’t tell lies. Sad faces generated sad faces, and smiling faces evoked smiles and happiness. Bring the sunshine to your lover with your smiles. You are delivering a pleasant message to him that everything will be ok. 4. The Tactics of Yes-No-YesYes => Acknowledge his positive intent. No => Make clear your bottom line without judging against anyone. Yes => Make a win-win suggestion or promise. Ever wonder if our communication is hampered by "No-No-No". Let's see an example as follows: Susan was frustrated to find her husband was obsessed with playing video games inside the room whereas she was busy doing chores. Susan: You’re doing nothing all day long as if this family is none of your business. I am busy with chores and children. How about you? Playing video games is your full-time job! (No) That’s all. I can take no more. (No) The worst decision that I ever made was marrying you. (No) What if Susan change the communication approach from "No-No-No " to "Yes-No-Yes " Yes => I know you want to relax after a whole week of hard work (Acknowledge his positive intent). N0 => The busy chores and the kid stuff drive me crazy. I desperately need to rest for a while. (make clear her bottom line) Yes => What do you think we sit down to figure out what is the best way to manage the chore together? (make suggestion) 5. Pause Before ActTalking is easy, but we spend our lifetime learning how to listen. I am not trying to underestimate the ability of your husband to trigger your hot button. The thing is, never try to back-talk immediately. Pause before responding to verbal stimulus. We are well aware heated arguments won't make things better. More tips on resolve the problems related to expectation error, money issue and perspective conflicts.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
CatherineDigital marketer, writer, editor, feminine optimistic style, pursuit of happiness, addict to coffee. CategoriesArchives
May 2024
|
Privacy Policy
|