Joy of Marriage. Tips to resolve money problems for couples

Money is always the main issue that can trigger negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, fear, agitation, disappointment, and self-blame.    Financial struggles can hurt a couple's relationship as people often associate their self-worth, happiness, and success with money.  

What is your family money story? 
What is your financial habit?  

Rule #1. Always More than Enough

Is your financial status more than enough to support your basic living expenses?  If you are not, you would have a hard time quarreling with your spouse on the money issue all the time, and will eventually spoil the relationship.   Always remember,   you are the only person to take full responsibility for your financial security and not rely on others, not even on your husband.
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What if you encounter a sudden financial downturn, such as facing business failure, getting fired, or suffering a devastating investment loss?  ​

Rule #2. Positive Intent vs. Fear

I remember when I was fired, jobless, with nothing to do at home, and extremely bored. It was not funny to feel stuck up, drifting nowhere. A mixture of devastating feelings never short of anxiety, stress, fear, depression, and self-doubt.
What did I fear?
I fear there would be no company to offer me a job anymore
I fear age discrimination
I fear my bank account might dry out
I worry being unemployed for too long would make it difficult to re-enter the job market.
 
My fear caused me to make a poor decision. I speculated on the stock market for quick money.   No doubt it was a bad idea.   Gambling out of fear and greed would never solve the money problem.   During that period, I lost plenty of money.   I was greedy and feared losing money.   My poverty mentality made me regret every decision to buy and sell the stock at the wrong price.    

 When I gained less, I felt upset (due to greediness)
When I suffered loss, I was angry (due to self-blame)
As a result, negative emotions ensue whatever outcome from the speculation on the stock market.
 
However, how unlikely I could always pick the perfect stock, buy at the bottom cost, sell at the ceiling price, and optimize the profit.

And then, I realized that what goes around will come around. Desperation would attract desperation to spiral down.  If you start up your own business due to the fear of being fired by someone else in a poor economic condition, you are doomed to failure.  Success derives from positive intent. Always remember money flows with joy.

Relax, keep calm  with the mantra: 
Everything that happened was just right because I was where I should be.  Transform the perspective from poverty mentality to abundance mentality.

​What is the difference between an abundance mentality and a poverty mentality?

Poverty thinking:

• Opportunities are limited.
• Things will never work out.
• Wealth is beyond my reach.
• What I own now can be taken from me at any moment.

Abundance thinking:

• I deserve abundance
• I am prosperous and have plenty
• I am the magnet of abundance
• I welcome and accept the abundance of wealth flowing into my life effortlessly, joyfully, and happily.

​You know what? Inspiration attracts inspiration to spiral up.  And miracles start to happen.
I finally successfully got employed with a decent salary in a corporate.

Rule #3. Money Concept

a) Earn Money

I was underpaid at my previous job, and when I ran my own business, I struggled to make a profit due to low pricing. 
One day, my friend asked me what did I think about money?
What pops up in my mind is something like:

• Selfishness
• Greedy
• Difficult to get
• Dirty

 Is it true that money is a scary evil thing that I should escape?
Traditional schooling rarely taught me financial education.  What if changing my perspective towards money to enhance my earning power?
 
The starting point is to re-program our concept about money with the mantra like:
I earn a lot of money by creating value for others
I deserve to own a lot of money.
Money flows with joy.

b) Save Money

Always remember saving is a good financial habit. You won’t panic if you keep a certain amount of money as a safety net to secure the cash flow in case of an emergency or unexpected job loss.   How much savings in the bank is enough?
Have you ever confused the desire for fullness with the feeling of enough? 
Saving money is good. Enough is okay. Money is energy. Let it flow and move.

c) Spend Money

Whenever I tried to de-clutter my house, I was surprised that I had bought so many useless things I didn't need. Is it because online shopping has never been easier than the one-click shopping universe?

Advertisers, marketers, and the media make us believe that buying expensive products is a way to uplift our status and taste. Social media can make us feel like we are not obtaining enough when we compare ourselves to the seemingly perfect lives of our peers. How to avoid overspending?

• Record the time, money, and the stuff that you spend shopping. 
• Restrict yourself to spend time on online shopping
• Replace the shopping habit with other activities such as doing exercise or reading a book

d) Grow Money

​No doubt we are pleasure seekers. We get hooked on the pleasure that comes from caffeine, tobacco, entertainment, or premium stuff. Pleasure is short-term, addictive, and selfish. It works on dopamine. When the debt is easier than ever to go into, why even consider sacrificing the pleasure for the long-haul benefits? Does the long haul will take care of itself? It doesn’t. We have to define our context to prioritize our spending that can work for the money growth. Do you spend the money on the stuff that can grow your assets or pay for the liability?
Buying a house is building your asset
Paying the monthly rental is a liability.
Investing in a training course to acquire a valuable skill is an asset-building activity.
Buying an expensive Hermes bag to feel secure is a liability.

e) Share Money

​Please don’t get me wrong to regard sharing money as merely donations. Let it flow to create value that could benefit yourself and others.

More tips on resolve the problems  related to   expectation error,   communication issue    and
   perspective conflicts.