Women Blossom Blog |
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One day, I heard a story from a priest: A senior devil asked a junior to guess what would be the evilest thing to deceive most people. The junior devil thought the answer might be telling people God is non-existence or the devil is non-existence. The senior devil said both answers were incorrect. The evilest thing to deceive people was to make them believe that they had plenty of time. Well, yes, we tend to waste time as we mistakenly think that we have plenty of time. It is not uncommon having the habit in our daily life such as: One hour daydreaming One hour on the couch One hour gaming Two hours of social media browsing Now the time is 3 pm, Half-day had gone What had I done? Busy is better than bored. Time is a strange commodity. We seem to have so much of it, until the moment we have none at all. You can only spend time and can’t save it. Beware of later become never. What's up to achieve your goal of fitness, learning, wellness, and so on? 
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The closer we get to animals, the more joy they give us. I love cats because... 1. Ever wonder cats and women are alike? 2. Cat provides the source of creativity for writing a book
3. It would easily get caught when it misbehaves.
4. You would never forget to feed it food to eat because the cat is good at reminding you of its existence. It likes to get a nap on whatever you're doing (reading or working).
5. Sometimes, the cat seems to look so familiar.
(pictures via the web)
 I consume luxury because I want to look rich. When I did make the merchant rich, but I become poor! What is your money story? What is your financial habit? It’s not funny if you’re always struggling with money. What can I do differently about money?
 Every day, I play the game of balancing. Balancing between like and dislike; Success and failure; Work and leisure; Love and not love; My big ego and my small ego... My mind keeps disturbing me to make me sick. What would this look like if it were easy? It would be easy if I stop to balance the mind and the heart. Believe in the wisdom of the heart. When my mind connects with my heart, my mind will become a valuable ally.
  Snoopy is glad to have Woodstock as best friend. Piglet feels lucky to have Winnie the Pooh as forever friend. "We will be friends forever, won’t we, Pooh?" asked Piglet "Even longer”, Pooh answered Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing”, said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.” (A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner) It would be so sweet if someone walking beside you along the journey so that you laugh a little harder, cry a little less and smile a lot more. If you want to know if people are happy, don’t ask them how much money they have in the bank. Ask them about their friends. Friendships beat money, isn’t it? Someone says that core factors that contribute to happy life would include the elements of: Number of friends Closeness of friends Closeness of family Relationship with coworkers and neighbors How to choose your friends wisely? 1. Insist on Paying the bill It’s not because they are rich but because they regard friendship is more important than money 2. Concession at the expense of their own interestIt is not because they’re stupid but because they’re willing to share. Friendship is never anything but sharing (Elie Wiesel) 3. Willing to do moreIt is not because they’re stupid but because they understand the importance of responsibility. 4. Be the first to apologize after a fightIt is not because they are wrong but because you are more important than the issue you are talking or fighting about. 5. Always care for you It is not because insincere intention but because they care. Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity (Khalil Gibran) 6. Willing to drop everything and help, no matter whatIt is not because they owe you anything but because they regard you as true friend.
Ever wonder there must be something that can trigger your hot button instantly. Think carefully about what’d happened in the past that could stir up your negative emotion intensely. I couldn't control my flame when I knew that..
OMG! It’s a matter of jealousy. I always like to compare myself with someone else. How did other people think about me? Did they respect me and like me? It seems like my self-worth requires other people to define or judge. The emotion that appears on the surface is angry. The underlying core emotion is fear or insecurity. I fear the other person will take away the thing that is supposed to be mine. You know what? The root cause was implanted during my childhood when my mom always tried to remind me that I was not good enough. What did I want in my childhood life? What can I do my best to my children not to repeat my pattern? Words carry weight. It’s harmful to criticize the child with disappointment and comparison to say something like:
Instead, don’t let a single day go by without telling the kids: I know you can do this I believe in you I trust you I’m proud of you You make me happy I like it when you do such good thing I’m grateful for you I love you You are a good child because….. You’re terrific Do you know that you can’t do that in last year and now you can make it! You do it by yourself! Good job. I've a wounded inner child inside my heart. I'm so happy my children are the angels to allow me to get my second childhood...  What to do when you lose your job, suffer business failure, or suddenly your husband asks for a divorce? Susan is my friend. Ten years before, she was 45 years old, had fallen from the top of a corporate ladder who struggled to survive from depression, bankruptcy, and divorce. What is her situation now? She has her own business with seven figures in revenue. How to turnaround from defeat to success? She shared her insights that had helped me a lot. 1. Celebrate ItOn the day she got fired, she went to enjoy a perfect lunch in her most beloved restaurant. Ever wonder you got fire was not a coincidence of bad luck but somewhat the job or the boss you’d disliked for a long time. Ironically, you might unaware you hated your bosses in your subconscious mind. But they did aware of it more than you do. Nothing worth looking back on except for learning to understand yourself. The bad thing did happen. Let's celebrate! It can be a relief. Boost up the energy to move on. 2. Appreciate YourselfDon’t beat yourself up with the self-blame. Catch yourself on what you had done right, instead of what you had done wrong. In a few years before, when I got fired, I appreciated myself for what I had contributed to the company such as:
Recognized and appreciated my strengths such as:
When you appreciate yourself, you build up your self-worth to make a solid ground with confidence. We connect with our inner power to remind ourselves that we can deal with all sorts of challenges. 3. Regard The Setback As BlessingEvery obstacle or setback is the gift arrange by God (or the universe) to teach us. The same pattern would repeat until we have learned, finally. Ever wonder when the student is ready, the teacher will find you (proverb). I got fired multiple times that urged me to re-examine the root cause. Most of the time, the question itself had hidden the answer. The question I asked myself was: What bordering me most during my career life?
And then, I realized that my issue was jealousy and thirst for approval from the authority. The core emotion was my fear of not being good enough. That was the reason why..
My core issue is about dealing with jealousy and low self-worth. The learning is about self-love. 4. Daily MantrasMotivate yourself through daily mantras. Your mind doesn’t know what your narrative is real or not. Very often, our brain is preoccupied with negativity from storing the memory of past failures. We need to feed our minds with positive energy every day. My mantras are:
When you say it, close your eye to feel it, to believe in it. You don’t get what you want. You get what you feel. 5. Create ValueDon’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant (Robert Louis Stevenson). How to plant the seeds? The answer is helping those people who want the same thing as you:
You might hear people tell you there are three ways to be successful:
The most effective way is to team up with others. Money follows joy. A joyful person is influential, spreading out the love and positive energy upon others. Good people attract good people to help each other. The magic is the whole universe is conspired on your side to make your success. I’m where I should be. Never too early nor too late. Star and moon can shine when it’s their time. Cheers. Good Luck!  Saving is a positive financial habit without denial. I won’t be panic if I keep a certain amount of money as a safety net to secure the cash flow in case of emergency or unexpected job loss. My relation with money is more on saving. It sounds risky to me if spending (or investing) the earned money to buy stock (in the financial market) or buy a house with a mortgage. Instead, I feel good to see my bank account grow via saving, month after month. When I first read the following “parable of the three servants” from Bible, I was confused. The story liked that: A man gave five bags of silver to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last before he went on a long trip. After a long time, the man returned from his trip and called the servants to give an account of how they had used his money. Two of the three servants had invested the money and earned more. The man praised these two servants had handled this small amount well, and he would give them more responsibilities. And the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the money. The master was furious and said, “take the money from this servant and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.” I was confused. Why did that servant sound like doing something very wrong? I get it. Money is not just money. Money is a metaphor to mean the asserts that are given by God to include our skills, body, talents, and all our being. Simply speaking, there are two types of assets: money and intelligence (or wisdom). If you own a lot of money without intelligence, you will eventually lose all your money. If you have wisdom, the money will take care of itself to follow. It is easy to get money, hard to get intelligence (or wisdom). Why are we so hard to get the intelligence or wisdom? It’s because we may inevitably do plenty of wrong things before we finally learn to do the right thing. When we do the wrong things, we will feel the pain. Ever wonder we fear the pain more than enjoy the gain. When the pain and gain fight with each other, the intention to avoid pain almost always wins. One day, I bought a stock, and the price rose by 10%. I sold out the shares to secure the profit. And then the stock price continued to push up 50%. My hubby blamed me for my stupidity, and a big fight came after. It seemed like a half glass water story that happened in real life. Why did I so angry at that moment? There was no money loss and just earned less. Conversely, if I sold out the shares, lost 30% profit, and then the stock price further dropped 50%. I won’t feel so bad as I’d avoided an extensive money loss. Imagine if you already get everything in your life. You’re rich, healthy, smart, and have a perfect relationship with your husband, parents, and children. Will you feel the pain for the loss of a small amount of money or jealous of others? No, you won’t. The point is how to improve ourselves and make contributions to others. If you apply this concept to the financial aspect, your strength is like a light bulb. You see how that light bulb can benefit lots of people, know how to make use of these benefits in a winsome way, and understand how to build a fortune that can deliver those benefits in a way that makes a profit. To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away (parables of the three servants, Matthew 25:14–30 )  I almost always don’t stay true to myself. One day, my coworker invited me to her birthday party. I said yes, but I didn’t want to join. On her birthday, I tried to figure out plenty of reasons to explain my absence. We learned as early as our childhood to grow into a good person. The definition of being a good guy seems like is to fulfill the expectation of other people. As time goes by, we program ourselves to fit-in the role we suppose to be. Under this condition, we bear a great deal of pressure and suppress our emotions to avoid adversaries. Some people might shift their anger to those they deem weaker such as children, women, and subordinate staff. I know I won’t be happy if everyone dislikes me; but what’s the point if everyone likes me, but I dislike myself? How do you respond under pressure at some point in your life? If you get the following signs means you are not authentic to yourself to a certain extent.
Ever wonder the opposite desires are fighting with each other in our mind. We’re so tired of working between balancing and off-balancing. I like it. I dislike it. The other people like it. The other people don’t like it. I’m okay. I’m not okay. I’m right. I may be wrong. I’ll win. I’ll lose. So, what can we do about this? Practice mindfulness. How to connect with your inner-self so that you can clarify your thoughts, feelings, and intentions? Asking yourself the following questions:
The journey helps you to get your most pure inner child to be seen. Whatever the answers are, ensure you appreciate who you are and tell yourself that you have already worked very hard and done very well. Focus on what matters most to you. Love yourself with the courage of being disliked by others. Easier said than done, of course. It takes effort and worthwhile.  Parents were the first people that we knew and interacted with when we were born in this world. We inevitably used to cope with their expectations and were carried away by their emotions. Ever wonder our relationship with our parents would subconsciously affect our marital relationship and our relationship with our children. While people said that be true to yourselves, it sounds no doubt for argument. The dilemma that applies to the relationship with my mom is a bit tricky. If I insist on doing the right thing for me, but my mom opposes me to do. She’ll upset (play victim). I won’t be happy to overwhelm with self-blame to hurt my mom. If I appease her to do what she wants me to do out of obligation, I won’t be happy, either. How to deal with this dilemma? The key is communication. A relationship is about communication. 1. Beware of Body LanguageDuring a heated argument with my mom, I felt angry was not about what she said. It was about how she said it, and vice versa. Our body language (tone, gesture, sound level) delivers our hidden message. So did the body language from others trigger our emotions. When I raise my voice to shout for carrying out my point, my mom felt like I was trying to challenge her motherhood authority with humiliation. When she was on the flame of anger, she would never listen but defense to prove I was the wrong one. Aware of our body language that can hurt others. I have to remind myself not to respond immediately from anger. Pause a few seconds, manage my emotions before reacting. And then talk to my mom in a way to assert her positive intention. Try to settle her emotional feeling before giving feedback. 2. Identify the Hot ButtonMy mom is a perfectionist. I can’t understand why she regard the vase is not putting back to the exact original position after cleaning by other person is a big deal. She keeps focusing on the imperfect aspect made me feel annoying. Dealing with her drive me crazy to feel frustrating, annoying, and difficult. She is my mom, I love her. Enneagram helps me to understand her drive of behavior and change my perspective to deal with her. Our relationship improves. I realize from enneagram that anger is her drive. She wants to be right, to be consistent with her ideals of standards beyond criticism. She wants to correct others striving for improvement. She is picky and not a difficult person. What is the difference between picky and difficult? Picky embrace consistent preferences and standards. Difficult people change their preferences frequently, and often in response to who is presenting to them or the mood they’re in. My mom is picky with consistent preferences and standards. She doesn’t mean she has the intention to make me feel miserable by her motherhood authority. When she insists on her point what she disagrees with, I understand there will be no way to change her mind. I learn to avoid starting the argument with her and move to change the subject instead. By the way, there are many things where right or wrong are relative, perhaps merely based on perspective. I don’t feel so much angry with her pickiness anymore. 3. Rebuild the ConnectionMy mom used to throw tantrums when I was not able to meet her expectation. Her words would cut me deeply to make me believe an actual flaw in myself. What she said to me was her choice, and my reaction was my choice. While someone says you’re a retarded, it doesn’t make you change to become a retarded. Never allow our emotions to carry away by our anger. Anger is meant you feel like you’ve no choice, helpless, and in the dead end. Set up a healthy boundary. It’s her story, not my story. How to transform anger into forgiveness, respect, and courage? Try to find a quiet place and imagine my mom is right in front of me. Speak to her and tell her: Mom, thank you for bringing me into this world I understand my life is mine I've got to love myself I've got to live a meaningful life in my way I've got to responsible for my needs I'm no longer regard myself as a victim. Your relationship with dad gives back to you. I'll be here with you. I can only use my way to support you. I am not able to support you by fulfilling your expectations of me. I've got my value system. Whether you agree or disagree with my thinking, I'm still me I will listen to your opinion. And I might not follow. I would learn how to get along with you with a different opinion. Mom, we are two different individuals. I am responsible for my life. I'll be happy from now on. I promise I will plant my happiness to repay you. Mom, I love you. I always love you, and I will love you forever. Thank you, Mom.  |
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