Women Blossom Blog
Women Blossom Blog
The days are long. The years are short. What’s your real joy of being a mom? I like these motherhood quotes/words:
It’s not uncommon to see a child who likes to climb up the highest fence. What will he do next when he is not able to make it? He will climb again! As kids continue to grow, in addition to what they learn on their own, they got some conditioning from parents, teachers, peers, media, and so on. According to researches, 90% of who you are, was picked up before you’re ten years old. The children have no idea how many of their thoughts, feelings, and actions based on some form of fear and obligation. We, as a parent, take a critical role to shape the blueprint and ego-self of our children. Ever wonder the fear of our children derived from our fear. How can we help to foster their courage to overcome fear with confidence?
Fear of authority figures
Two kinds of parents the children fear most. They are the fierce parents, or the opposite extreme, indifferent parents. Children need love like the flower needs water. The parents matter most to them to be their whole world. They thirst for your full attention and affection to ensure you love them more than anyone else. How did my mom praise me? How did my mom blame me? Did my parent love me? Did they accept me? The narrative is that if I do what my mom tells me to do, cope with her expectation, stand by her side, then she will love me. They thirst for parent’s approval.
Children fear their parents don’t love them. When we can’t get our kids to do what we want them to do. We push harder, throw out tantrums, we shout. Children have tantrums. Adults should solve problems. Ever wonder your anger is demonstrating your fear after all? The fear that fuels a narrative of being unheard. The fear that you’re not good enough. The fear that this might be the last chance you get to make everything exactly perfect. Your frustration becomes complaints; grudges become insulting words; helplessness becomes sarcastic.
What can we do about this?
1. Lighten Up Your Expectation
Expectation turns to become pressure. Pressure turns to attract resistant force. We’re angry because our children don’t meet our expectations or they do the opposite of our expectations. It’s more useful to lighten up our expectations of our children for who they suppose to be, act and think like, to connect the love. When the children feel unconditional love from their parents, they will be ecstatic, not to affect by the critical words from others. It’s because when they encounter criticism from others, they would think it merely reflects a lack of knowledge about them rather than an actual flaw in them.
2. Courage To Be Disliked.
The child learns to be his/her own fan. Parental love is unconditional. Yet the children have to know that along the journey of their life, never expect there will be someone who has the responsibilities and needs that will love them like their parent. Thirsting to grasp the love from others (they may be partners, bosses, spouses, or friends) in their life to assert their self-worth is doom to a miserable life. Learn to be his/her own fan. Everyone is a combination of strengths and limitations. We help them to learn how to appreciate their strengths and accept their weakness. Always has the courage of self-reinforcement, a belief in themselves that is strong and unwavering. Rejection spells failure only if you do not believe in yourself. For those who believe in themselves, it is only a challenge.
What would you describe the mother ship?
What is your mom parenting style that you will not follow?
A happy woman is so important to influence her husband and family. Ever did you hear about “happy wife, happy life”? A man feels good to see his wife is happy and regards that to be his credit and achievement. He would work even harder to contribute to the family. Same do the children love to see their mommy is happy. If mommy is unhappy, they might regard it as their false or because they’re not adorable.
How to make yourself happy? What would make you happy? What do you really want? Make a decision for what you would like to do that can make you happy. Write down your decision every day. Make a plan to do it.
My list is:
What is your list?
The motherhood journey is always rough around the edges. If it is a movie, you're a producer, a director, and a celebrity. What kind of story you're trying to make?
Supermom asks 100 questions:
1. What some other mom does, but you'll never do?
2. What are the words you use most when interacting with your child?
3. What animal can describe your child?
4. How does a stranger describe your child?
5. What makes your kid your kid?
6. What kind of adventure did you want to try with your family
7. What is the child devil and evangelist thing?
8. What makes you proud as a parent?
9. You like seeing your child __________
10. What drive you crazy?
11. What does your child do quietly?
12. What are the things that interest your child?
13. When the child meets new people, ___________.
14. What things scare your child?
15. Is there anything to tell you your child is smart?
16 What is the child devil and evangelist thing?
17. What is your culture genre and inheritance?
18. What sort of thing your child does not like?
19. Does your child make any new friends?
20. What are the ridiculous tech things to the kids?
21. What is a good piece of advice for parenting style? Tough, love, forgiving.......
22. What had you discovered the most effective parenting tricks?
23. What would you describe the mother ship?
24. What is the best piece of mom advice?
25. What are your favorite motherhood quotes?
26. Motherhood makes you vulnerable or stronger?
27. What is your change in parenting thinking?
28. What are the parent facts no one acknowledge?
29. What parenting advice you decline to believe?
30. What makes your child laugh?
31~100. Free download the file
Ever wonder what game are you playing:
Relationship Series: Fabulous Sexy Sweetheart
She is a fabulous sexy sweetheart. She pursuit of love and doesn’t want to get married. What game is she playing? The games she is playing are:
Impress Me Or Get Out Of My Sight
She won’t appreciate what she has but keep chasing after what she’s missing. There would be a time within the different development stages (puberty/sexual maturation stage) of a woman that someone would crush on you. At that time, you can show how brutal or capricious temper you are. One of the frustrating things is that there would be an expiry date!
I Know Everything
She can’t trust a man with her heart and soul. Trust is like a sword. I give it to you whether you will use it to hurt me or protect me. She tends to believe he will use it to hurt her. Her dad had an affair with a woman, and the parents were divorced when she was five years old. She implanted the belief carried from her childhood that men are irresponsible, unreliable, and like cheating. Is it true? Or does she need it to be true? If you decide that your belief is actually true, you owe it to yourselves to be clear about what would have happened for you to realize that it’s not.
Stay tuned for the upcoming post: Relationship: Bossy Career Woman
While many people like to order the takeaway cup in the Starbuck, or drink in a rush and go, I’m attracted to the romance of the coffee experience by sitting inside a comfortable coffee shop, to enjoy my favorite cup of coffee, sipping slowly, to enjoy each mouthful well. The soft light and the calm music make me feel relax. The beautiful lyric from the old song swirling around with the coffee aromas brings up a variety of good feelings. When my friends spend time on social media, networking, or searching for entertainment, I like to spend time on coffee.
Black coffee or Latte?
Let’s come together over coffee for a time of relaxation. People try to convince the world that water is boring, coffee is great. It works. What is good coffee? Good coffee is like a gorgeous woman (hot and has good taste 😊). Bad coffee is bitter, sour, burnt, and astringent. Good coffee is sweet, fruity, chocolaty, smooth, and light-bodied. Different people get different taste profiles over the combination of aromas, sweetness, floral, fruits, and nutty cocoa.
Whenever I feel tired, I’ll get an expresso. This tiny cup is strong enough to get me fueled all day long. We should avoid caffeine as it would dry out our skin, shouldn’t we? Well, yes, but coffee lovers don’t like decaffeinated. If you drink decaffeinated coffee, you are better to drink chocolate.
If you ask for a “latte” in Italy, you’ll most probably get a cup of cold milk. You should order “latte macchiato” which consists of hot milk add to the coffee. It sounds like coffee and milk are not necessarily friends to bind together. As a matter of personal taste, black coffee is my taste. But I like latte art. It’s cute. The cup of coffee looks so lovely by adding a little cat that is made by the milk foam, to see it floating and drowning in the liquid. I have learned to make the DIY Flat white with latte art. Make a latte at home without an espresso machine is not difficult. Pour fresh milk into a large bowl, stirring the milk with a whisk until it becomes foam. Add the foam into the espresso. That’s it.
Evil Partners: Sugar and Desserts?
Coffee is supposed to boost up energy. Why you feel more tired after drinking coffee? It’s because you add high sugar, partner with sweetie desserts. When the brain needs energy, it wants sugar that makes the blood sugar inflated. The insulin suppresses the high blood sugar, blood sugar deflated, hormone comes out to balance, and makes the body further stress and fermented. As a result, you will feel anxiety, stress, and fatigue.
But I like partnering dessert with coffee, anyway. A perfect match for coffee is partnering it with cookies, cheesecake, or blueberry cake. The taste of Kona coffee is strong when partnering with chocolate. On the other hand, the taste of Blue Mountain coffee is light so that when partnering with cake or sweet snack will cover the coffee taste. Italian coffee is great to drink after the full meal…All in all, sweetie desserts have high sugar that needs to avoid consuming too much.
Explore Coffee Culture
When I was traveling to other countries, I would like to experience their coffee culture. Have you ever captivated by the romance of the Italian coffee experience? I was attracted to try Italian coffee in Antico Caffe Greco. It was one of the best-known and oldest bar (opened in 1760) in Rome. Historical figures of artists, writers, and musicians including Stendhal, Goethe, Bertel Thorvaldsen, Mariano and so on have had coffee there. The fame of the café has attracted an influx of tourists that makes it always a bit too crowded.
The little cafés around Australia are impressive. They are brewing their coffee, fresh and local. Your favorite barista knows how to make your coffee just as you like it. When you're sitting down at a little café in Australia, order a cup of coffee, make your judgment for the taste difference.
All in all, what else of your coffee experience that can share with me?
You might also like to explore more about Simply lifestyle:
When I was a child, I always felt jealous of everything:
During my childhood, my mom always liked to compare me with others as if she was trying to tell me I was not good enough. I felt angry and affected my self-esteem. I was pondering why did the parent like to compare her kid with others?
What did I want in my childhood life? What can I do my best to help my children to strengthen their self-esteem? When we compare ourselves to those who have more, we feel bad. When we compare ourselves to those who have less, we feel grateful. Comparing ourselves with the other would trigger our negative emotions of envy and jealousy upon others, so do the kids compare among themselves. What causes jealousy in a child? It might because the parent always likes to compare him or her with someone else.
My Child Has To Be Remarkable?
A parent uses to think that her kid should be special, has to be extraordinary, needs to be remarkable. They would think their kid should be better than yours. They want to compare how well their kid's scores in school, in the performance in whatever contests, and all sorts of context in all different areas.
Jenny (my friend) makes use of all opportunities to tell everyone that her kid is born to be a winner:
Amy (her kid) is so smart. She started to talk early, learned faster than her classmates, and achieved the highest grade among the peers…
Well, yes, Amy is smart. I have no doubt about this.
You know what? Your girl is not bad. You should help her to catch up with the others, such as scheduling more learning classes before it’s too late...
Very often, you might meet other parents who tried to tell you what you should do and what you shouldn’t do as if they define your to-do-list. My kids don’t need to do groundbreaking things to live a meaningful life. They don’t need to be the person to land on the moon. Actually, they don’t need to be the person to do anything. By the end of the day, we are all bunch of ants trying to chase the same thing. Don’t take yourself so seriously to hunch on one element of expecting our kids to do something great and remarkable. Lighten up! Help the kids to enjoy most moments of the day, something like running and playing, eating the ice-cream slowly....
It's Not A Race
If your neighbor has a luxury car or get broke has anything to do with you? And actually, we never know anyone else’s situation. When you see your friend’s family who always seems to be traveling around the world, they could be up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.
Our schooling system tries to tell our kids that we live in a world of a zero-sum game: all people are in a race, the point is to win. You have to win over the ones next to you and beat down everyone else to move up. If you are not up, then you will be out. The kid would get used to evaluating people and objects by compare and contrast, not by their substances. The truth is no one can win everyone all the time. Just like a running horse, some of the time it can run very fast, some other time it would run slower.
If your kid is not doing well in school, lighten up! Some people do very well in school and you think they will be superstars…they aren’t. You see some people who are written off but achieve tremendous things. The child can thrive in the endeavor for the self-improvement and personal advancement. We, as parents, help them on the journey to take the responsibilities in which they excel and ask for help when they are struggling.
Deal With Strengths and Weakness
When the kid grows older, the parent tends to focus on the kid’s weakness rather than their strengths. Why not appreciate the beauty of the kid the same as the time when he or she was born? Even though I’m an adult now, whenever my mom says the negative comments on me in a way that makes it sound like she disappoints in me still make me burn inside. It cuts my feeling deeply. The parents play a critical role in cultivating a deep sense of self-esteem for their children. The child can accept negative comments from those who are not close to him or her because he or she can believe they reflect a lack of knowledge about him or her.
How about the weakness? Everyone has weak areas that make us human. They are gifts from God to keep us humble. Help the children to appreciate their strengths and accept the weakness as well.
All in all, there is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.
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An enneagram is a powerful tool that helps us to understand the personalities and drives of behaviors. It can be regarded as one of the perspectives to understand our child better and become a more effective parent. We'd covered One to Three. And Four to Six in the previous post. Let's continue to check Seven to Nine.
7. The Epicure
Playing and making fun is their strength. They are enthusiasts for entertainment, want to have fun, to keep themselves excited and occupied. They use to come up with many creative fun ideas to make people laugh. You will never be bored with them around.
The drive is having fun. Get fun is a way to avoid and discharge pain. They want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences.
8. The Protector
Tom always appears resistant, want to dominate, and to stay in control of his situation. He is a challenger to resist unfair situations or persons. His mom describes him as a volcano ready to erupt anytime by yelling, screaming, or non-stop arguments. In their world, they want to prove their strength and power, resist to look weak.
Want to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be self-reliant, to dominate and control the environment.
9. The Mediator
Rita is a nice person or a peacemaker, always like day-dreaming, and a lack of concentration. She wants to create harmony in her environment in which no one is disturbed. It is no surprise she can get along almost with everyone. Some people might describe her as a sponge that can absorb any differences. It seems like everything doesn’t matter to her as long as there are no conflicts.
The drive is laziness. Avoiding conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb the harmony.
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How To Tell Multitasking Is Good Or Bad For A Woman? Could You Have Been A Better Parent And Still Built Such A Successful Career?
Have you ever asked your parents how much they had sacrificed for the family? What were the opportunities that they had given up? What was the cost? Are you willing to make the same sacrifice? Why? What did they say? How about you?
We aren’t the same as our parents were 30 years ago. And society isn’t the same, either. We like to find new ways to balance and blend career and family. We are women, good at multitasking, after all.
You might hear some people tell you multitasking is shifting tasks that drive us to nowhere. Yes and no. Women are capable of multitasking for various commitments and can work more organized under pressure such as cooking a meal while looking after young children and suddenly having to answer the phone. Or jump between incoming emails, phone calls, and assignments, while running in and out of meetings. Very often, men can’t understand why a woman can handle so many things simultaneously.
Are you settling for less than you deserve? How settled are you? How will you describe yourself?
Could you have been a better mom and still built such a successful career? It might be difficult or unlikely, and not impossible.
An enneagram is a powerful tool that helps us to understand the personalities and drives of behaviors. It can be regarded as one of the perspectives to understand our child better and become a more effective parent. We'd covered One to Three. Let's continue to check Four to Six.
4. The Tragic of Romance
The drive is jealousy. Jenny is moody and affectionate. What’s happening around her can trigger different stories to her feelings. One day, she saw a white paper falling to the ground, she burst into tears. She told me this reminded her that her white cat had passed away. Very often, you can’t quite understand why she is hysterical to feel upset or feel happy suddenly.
Attach to emotional needs before attending to anything else. Want to maintain certain moods to create and pursuit of beauty surrounding themselves. They used to express their individuality and withdraw to protect their self-image.
5. The Observer
David is an introvert who dislike communicating with others. He has very few friends, perform not so good in school. When the first time I met him, he was only ten years old but concentrated on reading a book about the causes of earthquakes. He talked more to me at that time by asking me questions about the science of earthquakes. I might disappoint him as I knew very little about earthquakes. When I saw him on another day, he talked much less rarely speaking a word. They are the investigator interested in engaging energy on something worth their time and effort. When David regarded the communication with me is not fruitful to deepen his knowledge, he closed the little communication door with me to save his energy.
The drive is greedy. They view the world is a scarcity of resources in which everyone is competing for a share. Cost-effectiveness is important, want to possess the knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from limited environmental resources threats.
6. The Loyal Skeptic
John seems like being slow in everything. When the parent told the two children (John and his brother) to go out for dinner, John’s brother would move fast to dress up and ready to leave within 5 minutes. Whereas, John would move slowly, and came to ask his mom questions such as:
The drive is fear. Want to have security, to feel supported by others with reassurance. They tend to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.
Journalist, digital marketer, self-help coach, entrepreneur, feminine optimistic style, pursuit of happiness, addict to coffee.