I read the message from somewhere:
 
“Life is too short.  Work somewhere you are continuously accepted, respected, encouraged, inspired, empowered, and valued.”   Impressive, but what you notice most is what you lack. There is a clear gap between where I am now and where I want to be.
 
I graduated from a reputable university, obtained a bachelor's degree, and worked in a multinational corporation.  Life seemed to be on track and stable.
That sounds great, right? I was not aware that it seemed like an average product (me) to attract the average customer (employer) at a fair price (salary).

Yet, when it came time for promotions, my name was always missing from the list.  Frustrated and perhaps seeking a bit of revenge, I leapt at a senior role in a smaller company, lured by a higher salary.  But as time passed, the road sloped downward because someone younger and cheaper was ready to take my place without a second thought.
​
If you cannot climb to the top, the only direction left is down. Within a year, I was let go, and soon found myself bouncing from job to job, unable to regain my footing.
Very often, we tend to play the victim by blaming the nasty customer (our boss).  The persecutor is definitely the management and the dumb boss.
At that time, I was wondering:
​
Why do I always have bad luck in jobs?
Why do I always encounter a string of bad bosses?
​
My  bad bosses were like that:

​​
​The system has fingerprints.
​
“We all make mistakes. We all do things that we then realize weren’t in our interest or useful to the community.
If we do it a second time, it’s worth taking a hard look at the system that set us up for failure. How did the system get here? Who benefits?
When we can see the system, we have a chance to fix it.” (Seth Godin)

What is the system that got me here?
​
As a marketer, I see that being an average product (me) attracts average customers (employers) at average prices (salary).
Earlier in my career, I adapted to the routine of corporate life (comfort zone), maintaining average performance and receiving a decent salary.
Yet, this approach fell short for higher-level management roles. At 40, I found myself unable to live up to what leadership expected of me.
 
What did you expect for your career path at 40 years old?
By forty, with twenty years of experience and many challenges overcome, you expect a breakthrough. Yet, your boss demands faster results and greater excellence. To meet these high expectations, you must change your system.

Change the system
 
Change the average product to a great product.  What does a great product look like?
It can solve interesting problems and reflect the segment scarcity with distinctive value.
And then, whether the customer (your boss) is an intelligent person or an average person is irrelevant.  At the same time, you can tag a high price for yourself.
You guess what? The controller for the old system is your boss, and the price.
The controller for the new system is you.
Starting to own the choice and your control.  

How To Manage the Gap?
​
“There's a space between where you are now and where you want to be, ought to be, are capable of being.
A gap between your reality and your possibility.
Imagine that space as a gulf or a chasm, and you'll become paralyzed, stuck in the current situation.
The magic of forward movement is seeing the space as leap-sized, as something that persistent, consistent effort can get you through.
The most likely paths are the ones where you can see the steps.” (Seth Godin)

​However, I am getting older year by year, and the opportunities are becoming fewer.
The challenge is getting an interesting job that can optimize my talent and deliver remarkable performance to secure my career status.
What if I fail again? I may not get another second chance.
What is my fuel for pushing me to move forward on my career path at my mid-age?
Can I control my career on my terms?

​Drawing inspiration from Seth Godin, I revisit the challenges that once stalled my career.   And then, I figure out the ways to fix my career problems.

Continue Reading (Coming Soon):
#2. What do you want from your career?
#3. Fix The Career Problems: Communication
#4.  Fix The Career Problems: Smart Focus
#5. Fix The Career Problems: Passion
#6. Fix The Career Problems: Matching
#7. Fix The Career Problems: Proficiency
#8. Fix The Career Problems: Cheat Sheet (One Page PDF)

​Do you feel frustrated, reckless, and anxious when dealing with setbacks? If so, you may consider finding someone to talk to, reading a book, or enjoying a cup of black coffee. The reality is that failure is an inevitable part of life's journey. However, the good news is that success and failure are both on the same path. 

It's not always necessary to find a solution to every problem right away. Why not step back a little, clear your mind, and enjoy the world around you? Take a moment to appreciate the gentle breeze, beautiful sunshine, and delicious food at an outdoor seating area. There are always good things around us if we take the time to notice them.

​Snoopy is my favorite character from the Peanuts comic stories. Snoopy is not an ordinary dog. It was an abstract and clever Beagle who didn't think suppertime was the only important thing in life. Snoopy loved lying and sitting on the roof instead of inside the doghouse. It once told Woodstock, its best friend, "If you want to be king, stand up on the roof and shout to the world: I am the king!" However, how can Snoopy accomplish sitting on the rooftop? It's not an easy task, especially if you live in Europe. Most of the houses in Europe are designed with steep-shaped rooftops to withstand heavy snow in winter. Nonetheless, Ainė Bunikytė got a creative idea for installing a tea table set with chairs outside on the rooftop within the limitations and boundaries. It is always true that if you want to do something, you can do it, and you can do it well. You will feel great to enjoy tea-time refreshments at the rooftop outdoor seating like that.

Thailand is an ideal destination for fruit eaters.
I love trying the different fresh fruit and juice options in outdoor seating areas, especially their natural coconut water is sweeter and better than the ones you can taste in Vietnam or Tahiti.
​
Eating fruits that are in season is a wise choice as they have better taste and offer higher nutrient value. For instance, it would not be ideal to eat watermelon during winter as it can make you feel cold and uncomfortable. However, during summer, it helps you stay hydrated and provides relief from the heat. Identifying which fruits are in season is quite easy. You can look for fruits that are widely available in food stores and offer better deals. Moreover, I prefer to consume fruits that carry positive energy (fruits are grown by happy farmers, pleasant workers, on organic farmland, or by fair trade businesses).

Susan asked her friend John:
Did you know that the first programmer in history was a woman?
 John replied:
No wonder women were the most difficult creatures to understand.

Susan nodded and smiled.
​
John said:
I quite can't understand you.
You knew Peter (husband of Susan) was womanizing, and why do you expect he would change after marriage? He kept dating numerous women and had an affair with your best friend.   You loved him with no bottom line to forgive his betrayal instead. But when he turned to love you deeply and begged you to stay with him, you strictly rejected and left.

 Susan expected her husband would change for her, but  it did not happen. She had expected she could change for him, but it also did not happen either.

What she expected never happened.

Maybe the reality is never expected to change others. You can’t and will never succeed.  Therefore, you should be honest with yourself;
And allow your husband to be honest with himself.
​
 Always remember you always have the choice.
Unless you’re in prison, you don’t have to do anything. You choose to do things.  Like what we do for the laundry.
Do you like to do the laundry? No. 
Is anyone forcing you to do the laundry? No. 
Doing the laundry is a choice you make because you value being clean.  You do the laundry for your family members because you love them. When you see all the options you have, you can appreciate the choices you make.

You can already guess the point is to make appropriate trade-offs by optimizing your choice.  Honest to yourself.  Take responsibility for the choices you have made. 
And then, you realize that the reality is not as bad as you think
Or as good as you expect.
Accept what clashes, clashes.
What flows, flows.
Never border yourself to urge the other person to do the right thing.
It is ok to be not ok
As long as the (bad) feeling does not last forever
 
Lighten your expectations. Turn your expectations into appreciation.

More tips on resolve the problems  related to communication, money issue and   perspective conflicts.

Money is always the main issue that can trigger negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, fear, agitation, disappointment, and self-blame.    Financial struggles can hurt a couple's relationship as people often associate their self-worth, happiness, and success with money.  

What is your family money story? 
What is your financial habit?  

Is your financial status more than enough to support your basic living expenses?  If you are not, you would have a hard time quarreling with your spouse on the money issue all the time, and will eventually spoil the relationship.   Always remember,   you are the only person to take full responsibility for your financial security and not rely on others, not even on your husband.
​
What if you encounter a sudden financial downturn, such as facing business failure, getting fired, or suffering a devastating investment loss?  ​

I remember when I was fired, jobless, with nothing to do at home, and extremely bored. It was not funny to feel stuck up, drifting nowhere. A mixture of devastating feelings never short of anxiety, stress, fear, depression, and self-doubt.
What did I fear?
I fear there would be no company to offer me a job anymore
I fear age discrimination
I fear my bank account might dry out
I worry being unemployed for too long would make it difficult to re-enter the job market.
 
My fear caused me to make a poor decision. I speculated on the stock market for quick money.   No doubt it was a bad idea.   Gambling out of fear and greed would never solve the money problem.   During that period, I lost plenty of money.   I was greedy and feared losing money.   My poverty mentality made me regret every decision to buy and sell the stock at the wrong price.    

 When I gained less, I felt upset (due to greediness)
When I suffered loss, I was angry (due to self-blame)
As a result, negative emotions ensue whatever outcome from the speculation on the stock market.
 
However, how unlikely I could always pick the perfect stock, buy at the bottom cost, sell at the ceiling price, and optimize the profit.

And then, I realized that what goes around will come around. Desperation would attract desperation to spiral down.  If you start up your own business due to the fear of being fired by someone else in a poor economic condition, you are doomed to failure.  Success derives from positive intent. Always remember money flows with joy.

Relax, keep calm  with the mantra: 
Everything that happened was just right because I was where I should be.  Transform the perspective from poverty mentality to abundance mentality.

​What is the difference between an abundance mentality and a poverty mentality?

Poverty thinking:

• Opportunities are limited.
• Things will never work out.
• Wealth is beyond my reach.
• What I own now can be taken from me at any moment.

​You know what? Inspiration attracts inspiration to spiral up.  And miracles start to happen.
I finally successfully got employed with a decent salary in a corporate.

I was underpaid at my previous job, and when I ran my own business, I struggled to make a profit due to low pricing. 
One day, my friend asked me what did I think about money?
What pops up in my mind is something like:

• Selfishness
• Greedy
• Difficult to get
• Dirty

 Is it true that money is a scary evil thing that I should escape?
Traditional schooling rarely taught me financial education.  What if changing my perspective towards money to enhance my earning power?
 
The starting point is to re-program our concept about money with the mantra like:
I earn a lot of money by creating value for others
I deserve to own a lot of money.
Money flows with joy.

Always remember saving is a good financial habit. You won’t panic if you keep a certain amount of money as a safety net to secure the cash flow in case of an emergency or unexpected job loss.   How much savings in the bank is enough?
Have you ever confused the desire for fullness with the feeling of enough? 
Saving money is good. Enough is okay. Money is energy. Let it flow and move.

Whenever I tried to de-clutter my house, I was surprised that I had bought so many useless things I didn't need. Is it because online shopping has never been easier than the one-click shopping universe?

Advertisers, marketers, and the media make us believe that buying expensive products is a way to uplift our status and taste. Social media can make us feel like we are not obtaining enough when we compare ourselves to the seemingly perfect lives of our peers. How to avoid overspending?

• Record the time, money, and the stuff that you spend shopping. 
• Restrict yourself to spend time on online shopping
• Replace the shopping habit with other activities such as doing exercise or reading a book

​No doubt we are pleasure seekers. We get hooked on the pleasure that comes from caffeine, tobacco, entertainment, or premium stuff. Pleasure is short-term, addictive, and selfish. It works on dopamine. When the debt is easier than ever to go into, why even consider sacrificing the pleasure for the long-haul benefits? Does the long haul will take care of itself? It doesn’t. We have to define our context to prioritize our spending that can work for the money growth. Do you spend the money on the stuff that can grow your assets or pay for the liability?
Buying a house is building your asset
Paying the monthly rental is a liability.
Investing in a training course to acquire a valuable skill is an asset-building activity.
Buying an expensive Hermes bag to feel secure is a liability.

​Please don’t get me wrong to regard sharing money as merely donations. Let it flow to create value that could benefit yourself and others.

​For a man, what is the hardest thing for him to say?
I'm sorry, I'm wrong.
 
The hardest thing is not admitting you are wrong but apologizing without reason.
 
Man, if you have learned to apologize for no reason, you are ready to get married. The woman expects her husband to apologize after a fight to show that he cares more about her than the issue itself.
 
Men and women are beautifully different but made for each other, just like the beauty where water and rocks come together. How can the Earth and Mars get along with each other?

Ever wonder if toughness is a praising word for women? 
The name of the game is: I don’t need you.

She wants to conquer men, conquer the business, and conquer everything because she plays to win.   When she took the lead in the business battle to win the deal, she was so good at maneuvering the tactics and strategy far better than what you can read in the war book. 
However, she was frustrated to realize she still needed a man.

In fact, she didn’t mean to upset anyone.
She stands for her point with confidence.  In return, she expects her partner to agree with her idea and the support she had from him.  She has no idea she carries the bossy role at home until her husband asks her three questions:

• What’s your very act of asking me to do something?
• What’s your response to me when you think something goes wrong?
• Who’s the one to mention divorce first during a fight?

​A woman can’t stop yapping about this and that. She is loud. Maybe she is angry. She is ok because she merely vents her negative emotions.
 However, when she goes silent, she is not ok. She is upset with negative emotions.
 
 When a man feels unpleasant, he can't keep his mouth shut. He is in the fighting mode, or he may want to beat someone. When he goes silent, he is ok. He is just thinking.
 
 When your wife goes silent, apologize to her.
 When she is non-stop blah blah blah, let her talk.
 When your husband goes silent, never force him to talk.
 When he refuses to shut up, hug him.

​Women tend to have much stronger emotions, imaginations, and feelings than men.  They love to share their stories and express their thoughts and feelings by talking through them. 
Men, generally speaking, tend to be naturally wired to problem-solving when their partners want something simple.  When he finds no problem requiring him to fix, he has no idea how to relate the issue and tries to escape instead. 
 
Therefore,

​Guys need praise as much as you do.  Make your compliments to be clear and specific.  The verbal praise that a man would love to hear is not something related to his masculine body.  Tell him if you think he is a helpful partner to do the chores or tell him he is a caring father to play with the kids.  The praises make him feel grateful.  He would work even harder to prove he deserves your kind words.

​It's important to understand that many men crave respect and recognition from others.  Men often assert themselves and like to showcase their abilities to stand out.  Never expose his mistakes or point out what he did wrong in public, as this can damage his self-esteem and make him feel foolish.

Men desire freedom and space.
They tend to spend their time in work, toys, sports, or hanging out with other guys.  While men desire more freedom, their partners would appeal to connection and love. 

What can you do about this?
​
Never try to exert pressure, coercion, or influence upon a man.  He chooses to do the right thing for him.  If you take a decision away from a man by being a pursuer, he will resent you, lose attraction to and escape from you.  A magnetic attraction of a woman is her ability to make a man feel he can leave at any time, and he chooses to stay and commit.

​Which is the hardest for you to say?
I love you.
The hard part is not to say it but to prove it.
 
Three simple words: "I love you." It takes three seconds to say, three minutes to explain, and a lifetime to prove.
 
The fantasy of marriage is finding a perfect soulmate you are willing to spend a lifetime of romance is what it's all about. Someone who will be there for you through any circumstance, whom you can trust completely and feel safe with. Someone who considers you to be the only beloved person in his life.
 
Susan is searching for a long-term relationship and wants to marry a good man and raise the kids to live a happy life. She is frustrated when she finds out her husband betrayed her even though she had done everything to make everyone happy.
 
Amy has rapidly climbed the corporate ladder and has a loving spouse and adorable children, yet she is still unhappy.
 
Jenny is uncertain if it is fair to sacrifice her promising career for her marriage. Someone once sarcastically asked her if a woman can be half pregnant.  She wonders if it is possible to be a great wife and still achieve a successful career.
 
How about you?
 
Marriage is like riding a roller coaster.  There are highs and lows, and in between, you will grow.  ​  What will you do with your spouse when confront challenges from financial breakdown, miscommunication, emotions, and  expectation differences?

​One day, Susan was frustrated to complete her work and desperately asked me for help.
Peter: please help me otherwise I will lose my job.
Me: It may be good for you to consider changing your job.
 
Peter is angry to regard me as selfish and cold-heart.
 
People often describe me as an introvert. I love to spend time alone, speak little, and work at my own pace.  Very often, I appear in slow action because taking action is my weakness because I try to rationalize every decision instead of executing it.  Isolation and low-profile manner make me hard to team up with people to do the work.   Too much reliance on self-effort will slow down the working progress to leap forward.
 
Studying the enneagram helped me understand my worldview and motivation.
 
What do I want? I want more and get used to deep thinking and learning.
The drive is greediness by reserving as much as possible.
 
While many people buy luxury stuff based on spontaneous desire, I will take time to think about the justification of the value as if I am a penny pincher.  It is quite a big deal for me as I will consider if I pay for this luxury, the money in my wallet will become less.
 
I regard the world as operated by finite resources in scarcity as if playing a zero-sum game. Consumption means loss. I adopt the scarcity model of pizza. I won't have much left if you take a slice of it.
 
It is not easy for me to get along with my boss. I hate to work on a tight schedule. When my boss criticizes me for not working hard enough, I will focus on improving the system.
 
What is the hard part of confining my happiness? How can I achieve a breakthrough?
 
Infinite of abundance vs Finite of Scarcity
Learn to get over the feeling of finite scarcity of resources due to the scaring of shortage. 
Open my eyes and my guts to the wondrous smorgasbord of life.
Believe that I am prosperous to receive and enjoy the abundance of: 
Health
Relationship
Time
Knowledge
Comfort
Beauty
Wealth
 
Scaring for the shortage is merely a feeling or an opinion. When I feel the abundance, I will no longer keep checking the gain and loss on the balance sheet. 
I would get used to creating more value for realizing my abundance by breaking through my self-limiting beliefs.
 
Like eating a buffet to find an abundance of food available.
No rush to get my share. 
I know I can fill up my plate as much as I want.  I won’t mind the one next to me taking the food I like because there is plenty and the food will re-fill. 
 
How about you?
 
What is your worldview or core beliefs?      
What do you want to focus on others that provoke conflicts?      
What is your drive for acting the way you do?     
How do you act around someone you do not like? Judging/dismissive/indifferent          
What is the core drive of your emotions?
Fear/anger/jealous  
How does your emotion affect the way you treat others? Confrontation/Power over/Pathetic/pushover      
What are your expectations of others?        
What are your expectations of yourself?     
What is the one particular lesson you shall learn to reverse the repeated tendency?     

#1. Perfectionist
#2. Giver
​#3.    Performer

​The answer is, to be honest with yourself. It sounds simple but not easy.
Someone asked you to change your cooking menu, and you accepted.
Your friend begged you to drive her to the supermarket even if you were busy, and you did so.
Someone asked you to follow his way, and you agreed.
 
You hated to say yes, but you settled because of
Convenience;
Stop the conflicts or disputes;
Avoid the troubles;
Fear of authority;
Fear of someone unhappy.
 
When you decide to settle, you regard yourself as a victim, as if you are in prison with no choice. You feel upset because you are not proud of yourself for what you have done.
Unless you’re in prison, you don’t have to do anything. You choose to do things.  Let's use what we do for our laundry as an example:
Do you like to do the laundry? No. 
Is anyone forcing you to do the laundry? No. 
Doing the laundry is a choice you make because you value being clean.  You do the laundry for your family members because you love them. When you see all the options you have, you can appreciate the choices you make.
You can already guess the point is to make appropriate trade-offs by optimizing your choice.  Honest to yourself.  Take responsibility for your choice, and you will feel good about yourself.

​What did I look like when I was twenty years old?
I was a young, beautiful lady but vulnerable to emotions affecting inter-relationships with others and hindering me from moving forward on my career path or getting along with others.
I was not okay when someone took advantage of me, hurt me, or bullied me.
Fighting and wrestling to react and the negative energy lasted long inside me. It was always brutal, final, and unproductive.

​I could hardly feel the happiness deep down in my heart.

​I was jealous of others because I liked to compare myself with someone else:
when my sister caught more attention than me;
when my boss treated my colleagues better than me;
when my friend appeared more beautiful than me;
when my friends lived in a bigger house than me.
 
My question:
Why can you always get something better than me?
The wrong answer: 
I’m not good enough.
 
I would advise my 20-year-old self:
You are jealous because you always like to compare yourself with someone else. 
You are a combination of strengths and limitations, like everybody else.
You don’t need to do ground-breaking things to live a happy life.
You don’t need to be the person to land on the moon.
You don’t need to be the person to do anything.
The truth is no one can win over everyone all the time. Just like a running horse, some of the time it can run very fast, some other times it would run slower.
All in all, there is no comparison between the sun and the moon.
They shine when it’s their time.
 
Why if the alternate answer is:
I am grateful and accept who I am and who I am not.
I love myself and am satisfied with myself.

​I felt angry when my friends betrayed me,
my lover abandoned me,
someone hurt me out of selfishness,
someone rejected me,
I got fired without good reason.
 
My question:
How could I fail?
The wrong answer:
I won’t.
 
I would advise my 20-year-old self:
You forced your desires on what happened around you as if the world should operate according to your roadmap. When something did happen out of your expectation, you felt anger, sorrow, and self-blame.
 
However, all lives would come to an end;
All profitable fast-growing stocks would drop their price;
All great machines would fail in some way.
 
Rejecting to accept failure only made the failure more painful.
You could not change anything for whatever happened yesterday.
You might disagree with assumptions that led to the feelings of others that ultimately hurt you.
You felt this way was not the same as others who experienced what you experienced would feel the same way.
 
Why if the alternate answer is:
I am where I should be
I learned to understand that all that happens is right.
Let it be and let it go. 
Keep calm with serenity. 
Inner peace is more important than justification.

​I used to play the zero-sum game as if adopting a scarcity model for pizza. If I shared it with you, I would have less.  My self-limiting beliefs made me fear someone would take away what should belong to me.
 
My question:
How much is remaining for me??
The wrong answer:
Share means lost.
 
What if the alternate answer is:
I deserve abundance and have plenty.
I am grateful for what I own now and what I may get tomorrow.

​I used to enjoy gossiping, judging, complaining, and condemning others. It was easy to criticize them.
 
What is the right thing to do?
Wrong answer: I know all the answers.
Advice:  I can be all wrong
 
The stupid fools are arrogant to presume they know all the answers.
They are preoccupied with a spirit of criticism to focus on weakness, wanting to be always right thus they have been less wrong.
 
An intelligent person is humble and wants to learn from everyone, embracing the spirit of approval to focus on strengths. Empower others to feel good. Stay hungry, stay foolish. They can encounter opposing opinions and still function.

​In your opinion, which is the hardest thing to do?
Thales of Miletus, a Greek philosopher, said, “The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.”  Well, yes,   it is so true that fish are the last to discover water.
 
Who am I?
​
Most individuals define their worth based on external labels assigned to their position or role, fully immersing themselves in it.  Have you ever got the feeling resonate with the song “I’ve Been to Paradise, I’ve Never Been to Me”?

​Do you know yourself?
Avoid jumping into a statement, ask questions instead. 
When a question posed, it acts as a catalyst for our brain to trigger a mental reflex with new insights for answers.

1. What is my talent?
2. What is my motivation?
3. What do I own?
4. What am I good at?
5. What makes me enjoy or satisfy?
6. What ten things will I   advise my 20-year-old self?
7. What does a perfect day all about?
8. What are the three things that matter most to me?
9. What is my worldview?
10. What do I want to focus on others that provoke conflicts?
11. What is my drive for acting the way I do?
12. What is the one thing I shall learn to reverse the repeated setback?
13. What makes me excited like hear my heart sing?
14. What makes me feel fulfillment?
15. What can trigger my emotions? 

 
Always remember, I am not a static entity.
 
I am a dynamic, infinite creative process.
The process aims to express beauty by exuding confidence, strength, resilience, abundance, and love.  All adventures, experiences, and challenges that are creating and shaping me.
Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
It is up to you to choose.
 
Be yourself.  Love yourself