Women Blossom Blog
Women Blossom Blog
Three years before, my boss fired me after my 5-years tenure. At that time, I felt shocked, angry, and depressed. Rationally, I was well aware of move-on to focus on tomorrow and let go of the failure that happened in the past. However, I couldn’t overcome emotional suffering from that failure as the negative feelings of anger, shame, and sorrow in my heart affected my mental and emotional well-being. I got help from my mentor by honestly scrutinizing my feelings on that issue and asking myself three questions:
Q.1 What did I do right?
My boss was dissatisfied with me for not being willing to work overtime. She regarded working overtime as a sign of commitment and dedication. I prioritized my schedule to spend time with my family. Relationships with my husband and with my mom are my top priority. My mom suffered a stroke last year and never could live the same life as before. I did the right thing to spend time with my mom when she lived well with good memory. I did the right thing by not allowing someone else to prioritize my schedule.
Q.2 What else could be better than that?
I recognized to walk away from a corporate job to realize my dream by building my own online business was far more interesting for persuading my talent and skills.
Q3. What had I learned?
I learned to recognize my weakness to become a better person and achieve my career goal.
At that time, while presuming I was a marketing expert, I never dug into the product knowledge in-dept. I almost always settled for convenience, not studying the product in-depth for what I was selling. You can’t create value without proficiency in your particular profession. I couldn’t deny that I was lazy to waste my time not taking action. Action is critical for success. Learning the problem is not enough. I have to apply it, edit and fine-tune it.
We have to learn to accept the things we cannot change (something like what had already happened yesterday). Let it go. The courage to change things for better tomorrow is more important.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference – quoted from Reinhold Niebuhr
The issue was no longer a failure. It was a stepping stone pathing my way to growth and success.
What is a toxic relationship?
It is when you overwhelm with negative feelings toward your spouse and trigger your anger and emotions. You feel like he is
Venting out the emotions to someone else or divorce is not the solution. The repeated pattern will carry on. Is there any way to get over the repeated pattern?
When you start to love yourself
honest to yourself
You will surprise the relationship with others will change.
Have you respected your needs and feelings anywhere and anytime?
Ever happen in some circumstances where your heart says no, but you decide to say yes, instead. You never reject others because you want to cope with the expectation of someone else. If you care enough to respect your needs, you will respect others to make their choice for their needs. Even if that choice is not what you expected, you will never feel angry.
You respect yourself, and you will respect others, and others will respect you.
If you never respect yourself, and you won’t respect others, and others won’t respect you.
Use respect to replace disagreement.
You trust yourself to do the right thing that is best for yourself. Same as you trust that your spouse will do the right thing for himself.
For instance, if he is an alcoholic, you trust he is doing the right thing for himself as this may be his way to release his pressure or release the pain from his mental health.
Use the trust to replace judging.
3. Honest to Yourself
You are honest with yourself about who you are and being authentic. You may look weird from the lens of the community.
You cover your true self to fit in the expectation of others to be the stereotype of a widely accepted person but preoccupy with anguish and emotional suffering. When you start loving yourself, you feel good about yourself to live as an authentic being.
Instead of trying to change the person, you accept who he is. You can recognize that emotional pain and grief are just warnings for him not to live against his authentic truth.
You and your spouse feel comfortable with each other. There is no covering, no role-playing, no lies, no imitation.
Allow I’m imperfect.
Allow I’m vulnerable.
Allow I’ve plenty of weakness.
Allow I have made stupid mistakes.
As I allow myself for those human weaknesses, so do I understand you will get those weaknesses as well. When something goes wrong, I will never blame myself or blame you.
All in all, the toxic substances in a relationship such as hate, anger, and judging will replace by respect, trust, support, and love.
You know what? Who is willing to abandon such kind of beautiful person?
You may argue that it is not so simple. Well, yes, of course. It's a starting point for building your love story.
What kind of self-talk is helpful to you? It should carry the meaning to set you free from being depressed and drive you to become the best version of yourself.
1. I'm Where I Should Be
If we put enormous effort into doing the work for the desired outcome and the outcome is not what we suppose it should happen, we would easily drag down to negative emotions of disappointment, sadness, and guilty.
During the hard times, we ask ourselves:
Why can this happen?
What if I did more?
What if I did less?
Had I done anything wrong that caused such a punishment to me?
Anything that had happened was irreversible.
You were not able to kick the wall to expect it to become a door (quote from someone)
I’m where I should be.
Everything has timing:
Time to live, time to die;
Time to meet, time to leave;
Time to start, time to end;
I’m where I should be
Never too fast, never too late.
The more you resist, persist.
Learn to trust in God to take care of everything.
I'm where I should be.
2. I Could Be All Wrong
The communication conflict between two persons is about each of them regarding the other person is wrong. It is about our certainty of rightness that makes heated arguments heated. How unlikely we’re always right, and they’re always wrong.
Quoted from someone (forget from whom) to say that we take months to learn how to talk, but we take our life to learn how to listen. I am not trying to underestimate the ability of someone to trigger your hot button. You don’t need to backtalk immediately. Pause before to response the verbal stimulus. Calm down your emotions to tell yourself:
I could be all wrong.
3. Thanks For Sharing
What is your feeling if someone tries to tell you:
You are not good enough;
You are not smart enough;
You are unlikely to make it;
You are weak;
Can these negative judgments affect your emotions?
Can these negative opinions cause you to sway between your self-esteem and self-doubt?
Do it, or not do it
I am okay, or I am not okay
I can achieve this, or this will never happen
The two opposite channels are fighting with each other in your head. The bad news is the negative channel always wins. What makes it difficult because you have no obvious answer.
Human cognition of things is incomplete and flawed, and we are inevitably easy to make mistakes. When someone tries to tell you that you are unlikely to succeed, the negative comments may remind you of your past failures and amplify the impact that had hurt you before. Bring back your power and control. Don't let your past define your future.
You tell yourself the response is: Thank you for your sharing.
You always have a choice. Don’t look around but ahead. Breathe, trust, and see what happens. Life is too short to spend day after day wondering what would happen if we do things otherwise. Use your best judgement. Just do it!
Our life is like a finite number of heartbeats.
You can only spend the time and cannot save it for future use.
If so, the question is how to spend your time wisely?
It would be great if we always spend time in ways to make us happy.
Happiness is expecting the joyful time to come.
Do you remember what is the joyful mood to expect coming time before Christmas, before the vacation, before the newborn baby?
Yesterday was history. If you felt depressed and sad about what had happened yesterday, it was as if you would die today without a future.
Tomorrow is a mystery. Ever wonder if you worry about what may happen tomorrow as if you will live forever.
The more important is today.
Today to act
to go, to enjoy, to love, to live.
Let go of self-blame, regret, and sadness.
Embrace with love, compassion, gratefulness, and abundance.
Believe that the best is yet to come.
Which one is better?
“I’m doing terrible, but I’m living.”
“I’m living, and I’m doing great.”
Beware what game you are playing.
Never try to play the victim.
Ever wonder happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Whatever experience makes you angry, do one thing: put all feelings aside and forget it. Forget means to forgive. Otherwise, you will pay a high price to sacrifice your health.
My mom suffered from a stroke caused by diabetes and hypertension as she used to eat fatty and processed food for a long time. What made her obsessed with food (especially sweetie food)? The key reason was her unhappiness as she hardly could feel the sweetie from her life that preoccupied her emotions with complaints and anger to drive her crazy or depression.
It is so true that:
Your belief becomes your feeling;
Your feeling becomes your action;
Your action becomes your character;
Your character becomes your habit;
Your habit becomes your destiny.
What applied to my mom was that:
My mom got the belief that she was the victim;
Her thought generated anger and sadness;
Such negative emotion made her appear judging and picky;
And she felt to eat the sweet food could make her happier;
Repeated pattern to feel sad and choosing to eat the unhealthy food for too long;
And the culminated poison broke down her health physically and mentally.
Change the thought, change the feeling, change the perspective, change the destiny.
My morning routine helps me get through the jobless days from dull to sunshine.
1. Enjoy a great breakfast
A great breakfast helps me to fuel up the day with energy. Don't forget to leave some time for yourself to eat breakfast without rushing, select a comfortable environment, sip a cup of black coffee, and avoid sweeties and high carbs. And get ready for the day!
2. Read the motivational articles or quotes
During breakfast, I like to read some inspiring articles or quotes. It's a great way to feed my brain with positive energy and strength.
3. Give thanks to God
Practice gratitude. Give thanks for all the blessings from God.
It’s so great to enjoy the greeting from the trees, the flowers, the breeze, the birds, and the grasses. Or a neighbor walks a dog and says hello to me with a beautiful smiling face.
4. Deep Breathing Exercise
Exhale for 5 seconds to let go of anger, anxiety, and sadness
Inhale for 5 seconds to accept compassion, love, and happiness
5. Stretching the body
Do exercise or practice yoga. If you don’t have time, at least stretch the body physically.
6. Affirmative Mantra
Self-talking to affirm yourself:
I believe XXXXX
I deserve XXXXXX
I choose XXXXXX
I can XXXXXXXX
My power has turned on
Keep moving and do the work now!
Ever wonder color plays a role in our state of well-being, evoking a certain mood from our hidden aspiration. It can influence the way we feel and how we respond to our surrounding things. What color do you like?
Red. Passionate or Dangerous?
While red elicits passion, intricate with assertion and romance, it may represent danger or threat (like a fire engine or the signal for stop). It is no surprise that when you strongly want to get something and at the same time, this will mean risk and danger. Is there anything that comes with a guarantee in this world? One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure (William Feather). Adventure is fun and exciting. However, you may feel fear midway along the journey. Do you have the gut to follow your intuition in order to pursue what you strongly desire? Fear is no longer your enemy to hold you back. Dance with it, instead.
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.” — T.S Eliot
Yellow. Sunrise or Sunset?
While some people see the color yellow to associate with sunshine, light, hope, happiness, and wisdom, others would like to label yellow with decay, old, sickness, and dullness (like yellow tree leaves, old books, and papers). What does it all mean? You decide.
How we see the world is more important than how the world is. Susan is my friend who told me she hated yellow as it seems like sickness and dullness.
She hates growing old and dislikes to mention her age.
Are younger people happier than older people?
My mom is 70 years old and always feels the wisdom of her years. She always has a story to tell and has little to worry about jobs and responsibilities.
One day, I asked her whether she would worry about her age. She replied that "Oh yes! I am old, but so what? I am so happy in my times right now."
It is up to you to see yellow as sunshine, or as a gloomy decay leaves.
Blue. Blue Mood or Blue Mind?
What color is your mood right now? You want to get away from the blue mood (melancholy) for sure. The Smurfs (comic characters) are blue with happy faces. They have nothing to do with gloom.
Blue is associated with the ocean and sky to embrace with a feeling of openness and caring. Openness reflects the appreciation for curiosity, adventure, unusual ideas, and imagination over a strict routine. If you limit yourself to what you know and what you were comfortable with earlier in your life, you will grow increasingly frustrated with your surroundings as you age. Many of us might not take on new things because we think we don't have the skills. The good news is that almost everything is learnable. Are you ready to learn and make a leap into the unknown?
All in all, we own our story.
Color is fabulous
Blue is ocean or moody
Yellow is sunrise or sunset
Red is dangerous or passionate
Up to you
Only you can decide.
One day, I read a book called "When Coffee Got Cold". The story related you were able to return to the time of your choice. No matter what you did, you won't change what had happened. You started the time travel when your coffee had been poured and ended once the coffee turned cold.
I wonder, under this condition, who do you want to talk to before the coffee gets cold? What is the meaning of this time travel if you couldn't change what had happened?
Amy was in deep sorrow because her beloved mom had passed away suddenly due to a fatal accident. She had drowned in the swamp of sadness to the verge of depression. Father from the church solace to tell her: this would pass. Amy thought she had lost her mom forever and her beloved mom would not be with her anymore. How could this pass?
The event that had happened was indeed a reality. The fact would not change. However, the emotions that carried with the event would pass. Remember that negative emotions are not your true self. You vent your emotion is okay and it is only a state of feeling under this specific time. You don’t need to hold it tightly because the more your resist, persist. Imagine when you did undergo a typhoon swept over. You would never try to catch holding it, aren’t you? Because you know it comes and goes.
When the negative emotion gets passed, Amy is aware emotion is a gift sent to her from God. It comes to remind her of re-examining her expectations in life. Very often, we presume what should happen in our roadmap with expectations. If what we anticipate doesn’t come true, we become frustrated. We never know the value of the moments until it becomes a memory. It’s a gift to tell herself to stay present. Look at what’s in front of her.
Amy understood it was not a punishment to hurt her and it was a gift to help her instead.
The event couldn’t change, but your perspective towards what had happened could change.
I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination – Jimmy Dean
Ever heard the proverb as follows:
If you can't move a mountain, build a road around it.
If that road can't drive to your destination, change to another path.
We all want to be happy.
The question is how to be happy?
Happy to feel fantastic about ourselves;
Feel the fulfillment;
Enjoy everyday life;
Satisfy whatever is happening at present.
The contentment is probably from:
About being successful in your career;
Obtain the financial security that you don’t need to worry about job loss;
Build a great relationship with your loved one;
And surrounded by good people.
However, you feel stuck up midway along the journey preoccupy with:
emptiness and lonely
fear to lose your loved one
and on and on.
You stumble up and down and are unable to move forward.
Ever wonder the repeated pattern blocks you to move forward to your desired destination.
You’re not alone. We would go through this all the time, inevitably.
What are you going to do about this?
It’s so true that we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them (quote from Albert Einstein).
We have to identify the problems and the root of the blockage.
By using different perspectives and tools;
Don't just change, transform.
To become the best version of yourself;
Plant and grow your happiness;
Make the complicated thing to a simple way;
And driving to your desired destination.
Until when that you know you have made it?
When you encounter the same hateful people, they can no longer trigger your emotions to feel anger or jealousy anymore. You feel peace of mind, instead.
Until you have learned your life lesson, you will overcome the challenges and move forward. Then the blockage will break down.
I’m on the journey and invite you to join me to discover our rainbow.
Digital marketer, writer, editor, feminine optimistic style, pursuit of happiness, addict to coffee.